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--- faq:newcomers_start_here [2024/09/10 00:02] – created stuffedcrustfrompapajohnswithextracheeseextrabacononionsjalapenosandanchoviesdoodt
+++ faq:newcomers_start_here [2025/12/19 14:30] (current) – wulongleftleg
@@ Line 5: / Line 5: @@
 ===== Who is KingCobraJFS? =====
-KingCobraJFS, AKA Josh Saunders and Cobes for short, is a niche YouTube celebrity who makes videos, streams, makes albums, wands, dank food hacks, his own booze, books, and anything that could possibly keep him inside and out of reach of the never-ending wrath of his Trolls(often spelled as Troles).
+KingCobraJFS, AKA Josh Saunders and Cobes for short, was a niche YouTube celebrity who made videos, streams, makes albums, wands, dank food hacks, his own booze, books, and anything that could possibly keep him inside and out of reach of the never-ending wrath of his Trolls(often spelled as Troles).
-Now, you might see this laundry list of activities and wonder if he's actually good at any them. We at Boglimpedia are very pleased to tell you that Josh is uniformly **AWFUL** at everything he sets out to do. He is monumentally clumsy, tone-deaf, time-deaf, can't spell, can't do basic math, routinely passes out on stream, and doesn't understand the difference between "then" and "than". In many forms, Josh is the never-ending car crash you simply can't turn away from.
+Now, you might see this laundry list of activities and wonder if he's actually good at any them. We at Boglimpedia are very pleased to tell you that Josh was uniformly **AWFUL** at everything he sets out to do. He was monumentally clumsy, tone-deaf, time-deaf, can't spell, can't do basic math, routinely passes out on stream, and doesn't understand the difference between "then" and "than". In many forms, Josh is the never-ending car crash you simply can't turn away from.
 ===== Why is Cobes funny? =====
-The simple answer is delusion. Josh thinks that he's a sexy gothic rockstar bad boy dark magician that everyone in his town of Casper, Wyoming knows by his online name, that's he's ultra-hot, super cool, really talented(especially at making music) and can get laid whenever he wants.  \\
+The simple answer is delusion. Josh thought that he was a sexy gothic rockstar bad boy dark magician that everyone in his town of Casper, Wyoming knows by his online name, that's he's ultra-hot, super cool, really talented(especially at making music) and can get laid whenever he wants.  \\
-In reality, Cobes is an unemployed, bald, 30 year-old alcoholic who can only bag single mothers missing most of their teeth. He has zero musical talent and a head shaped like a peanut. Also, Josh never washes his clothes, showers once a lunar cycle and instead just rubs himself with Tactical Soap. Josh has what he calls Asperger's, an antiquated term for a form of Autistic Spectrum Disorder.
+In reality, Cobes was an unemployed, bald, 30 year-old alcoholic who can only bag single mothers missing most of their teeth. He had zero musical talent and a head shaped like a peanut. Also, Josh never washed his clothes, showers once a lunar cycle and instead just rubbed himself with Tactical Soap. Josh had what he calls Asperger's, an antiquated term for a form of Autistic Spectrum Disorder.
-Everything we've mentioned before is not to say that Milord isn't incapable of being funny: Josh is one of the best sources of organic comedy on the Internet today, often saying the most out-of-pocket, gut-wrenchingly hilarious phrases out of nowhere, leading to a long list of notable in-jokes in the Cobraverse, such as:
+Everything we've mentioned before is not to say that Milord was incapable of being funny: Josh was one of the best sources of organic comedy on the Internet, often saying the most out-of-pocket, gut-wrenchingly hilarious phrases out of nowhere, leading to a long list of notable in-jokes in the Cobraverse, such as:
   * I've spent several years...Being patriotic...
   * I just spilled the entirety of the drink combo I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!! **I HATE BEING CLUMSY!**
@@ Line 21: / Line 21: @@
   * I'LL SMOKE YOU... ...'TILL YOU'RE __DEAD!__
-So apart from the fact that he's the kind of person you see at the start of an infomercial doing the deliberately worst way to do something, Josh is particularly good at making so-bad-it's-good content and accidentally being side-splitting hilarious.
+So apart from the fact that he was the kind of person you see at the start of an infomercial doing the deliberately worst way to do something, Josh was particularly good at making so-bad-it's-good content and accidentally being side-splitting hilarious.
-===== So what do you need to know? =====
+===== A Brief History of Josh Saunders =====
+There is no such thing as "A brief history" when it comes to KingCobraJFS. However, here's as brief a rundown as you can possibly get.
-**__The most important thing you need to know about Josh is thus: DO NOT TAP THE GLASS.__** Many people before you have tried to get close to Josh for their own ends. It never has ended well for either Josh or the glass-tappers, and many fans are violently defensive of their BOY.
+  * Josh starts his first channel, Gothickingcobra52, on June 13, 2010. He establishes a following of troles and unironic fans quickly while releasing 3 albums.
+  * Josh goes to Job corps in summer of 2011 and gets kicked out for smoking weed. He also meets his first love, Stephanie, and loses his virginity.
-Josh's content is feast or famine. Sometimes he posts two to three times a day, sometimes fans go a month or more without a single stream or video. Going in, your expectation must be tempered - Josh, having never left his rebellious teen phase, will go live when he feels like it. Just sit and patiently wait, YouTube.
+  * Returning to Wyoming, Josh makes more videos and moves out into his own apartment. After inviting a moocher by the name of Chris in, Josh's friendship with Chris rapidly deteriorates, resulting in the eventual eviction of Chris from the apartment.
+  * Stephanie moves in with Josh and they go steady before Stephanie cheats on Josh. Heartbroken, Josh immediately seeks to fill the void with other women. From this era until his firing at Wendy's is considered some of the best content in the Cobraverse.
-If you have questions about Cobes, check out the [[faq:Frequently Asked Questions]] page.
+  * Homeboy Scotty enters the Cobraverse and attempts to set Josh up with numerous goth babes who play guitar and have Asperger's. These all fall through and Scotty eventually takes a backseat in Josh's videos.
+  * A troll reports Josh to his employer and subsequently gets him fired. Josh spends the next several months barely attempting to find work in between extended hangout sessions with many new homeboys. This is considered the golden age of cobra content by many.
-===== A Brief History of Josh Saunders =====
+  * Josh gets gifted a sex doll and destroys it in a fit of rage. Realizing the bad publicity this gets him, Josh would have a "rebirth" event on his channel where he would delete all former videos and never mention sex dolls again.
-There is no such thing as "A brief history" when it comes to KingCobraJFS. However, much of his story can be gleaned from the articles here.
+  * A girl called Summer has sex with Josh, ending his dry spell. They have a brief relationship of about two months before separating due to trolls.
+  * The new business of Cobra Craft Wands begins and Josh starts selling painted twigs for massive profit. Josh would continue to make wands to fund his alcoholism and junk food addictions. Josh also attempts to slide into the pants of another hot goth chick called Ellen, to no avail.
+  * On the 27th of October 2020, Josh gets a call from his dad to learn that he's getting evicted. Josh has effectively destroyed his apartment over the course of about 8 years, due to his constant smoking, dirty living, and spraypainting his wands indoors.
+  * Josh moves into his new apartment, where his alcoholism gets worse. He adopts two pets that summarily die. Flip-flopping between wand-making and e-begging streams, Josh's content becomes low quality and features little of interest with occasional blasts of content.
+  * Getting into a relationship with a BPD girl called Jessica, Josh would invite her over numerous times. The second visit would result in him getting evicted due to Jessica's antics and overall destruction.
+  * After much deliberation, Josh would eventually move into a trailer with help from his dad. Despite the Cobraverse's best intentions, Josh would invite Jessica over for another visit. This would go disastrously, as Jessica would make Josh come close to blowing his own brains out on camera. This would officially cement Josh's breakup with Jessica, as Josh would once more vow that he would not let the bog witch return.
+  * 2025 would be the final nail in the coffin for Josh as he had several homeboys and his idol Ozzy Osbourne pass away. Josh would pass in his sleep from a heart attack aged 34, much to the dismay of all who knew him.
 {{page>:blurbs#The KingCobraJFS Story}}