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====== The Bailey & Izzy Saga ======

{{page>:blurbs#Stub}}

**The Bailey & Izzy Saga** was a well known saga involving Josh's best friend Homeboy Scotty potentially catfishing and lying to Josh about trying to hook him up with two of Josh's very specific, ideal woman: Raven-haired goth women with big breasts, who play guitar and listen to Cradle of Filth.

|{{ :sagas:not-bailey.jpg?400 |lol thats so fake come on jord}}|
|  //Apparently what Izzy looked like.// |

===== Characters Overview =====

==== Major Characters ====

  ***[[characters:KingCobraJFS]]**: Our gothic overlord sits on the precipice of madness, yearning ever more for an of-age, non-related, alive goth chick of his dreams. His hopes rest entirely on the actions of his new homeboy and trusted friend.
  ***[[characters:Homeboy Scotty|William "Homeboy Scotty" Hackman]]**: Josh's new best bud and #1 wingman, the late Homeboy Scotty would put in effort to help Josh find the girl of his dreams this saga.

==== Minor Characters ====

  ***Bailey** & **Izzy**: Bailey and Izzy are a pair of fictional goth women who had Asperger's and played guitar. Despite Scotty's insistence that they were both real, Josh would never meet either one during the entire saga.

===== Set up =====


In July of 2014, Josh and Stephanie would break up. It was a tumultuous time for a young Cobra...but he would not be deterred. He would not submit to the defeat of a broken heart, he would press on in higher spirits and confidence and put himself out there for the world to appreciate who he is. This would lead Josh to joining a number of dating websites, where the goth of-age ladies flowed like mead from the chalice of kings. Unfortunately for Cobra, it would be a dry summer and he would not receive much success from his online endeavors.

It wasn't until early 2015 that Josh would get laid again. He spent a warm night with a lovely young bird by the name of Ami and, for a short time, his thirst was quenched....but this man seeks //love//, not lust, and so the quest continued.

Josh would often, around this period of time, make videos ranting about toxic relationships and even began exploring the possibility of "going asexual due" to being rejected by numerous girls he had tried meeting through dating websites. Josh has always ranted about the dynamics of male and female relationships but it was during this time that his quest to "Fix the dating scene" was truly realized, if anything this Saga is likely the catalyst for his obsession with it today.

On the 5th of September, Homeboy Scotty officially appeared in "one long video."[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sI25y-HJDrk|(1)]] Josh would go on to describe Homeboy Scotty as a sort of philanderer or "ladies man", as Scotty would often tell Josh about his exploits spelunking into the bi-polar crevasse that is Casper's female population. Seeing Josh in a forlorn state, Scotty vowed to be his wing man and to help him finally land himself an of-age, goth girlfriend who was alive AND consenting.

===== Key Events =====



==== A Girl Named Jess ====

On October 31st (Halloween), Josh made a video called "Happy Halloween"[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FM-d9a7ZmDA|(2)]] where he began the video in his Green Phantom costume, wishing his fans a happy Halloween. Josh said that he was going to throw a Halloween party at his apartment and Homeboy Scotty was going to bring a few girls. Josh was very excited about this, making multiple (sadly now deleted) videos about the event. However, at the last minute, Josh was left holding the bag as neither Scotty nor any women showed up to his house on that most hallowed eve. Josh was o crushed by this, dourly explaining afterwards that he was really looking forward to partying with some girls. Instead, Josh opted to go to The Sandbar, ordering a burger and a Cobra's Mist. Josh said he got so drunk he almost fell asleep at the bar and decided to leave and go back to his apartment. Josh also made mention that November 1st, the day after Halloween, marked the third anniversary of moving into his 1st apartment.

Understandably, Josh would reiterate throughout the video that he was looking forward to meeting some girls and even said that he was feeling lonely these last couple of months. For the rest of the video Josh ranted about thinking he would be alone for the rest of his life and even called himself a "regard" and said that he "wasn't very dateable." Josh also said that there are a lot of attractive women in Casper but unfortunately they were out of his league, so he didn't bother approaching them for fear of being rejected. This is notably one of the few times where Cobra felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable about his stark reality, accepting it for what it is. As the years would roll on, this chasm of self-hatred would only deepen but it was only in his worst, most incoherent moments where he'd say anything approaching something like that.

On November 27th, Josh made a video called "Marlbro Midnight review and other topics"[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klu1uN-VxsI|(3)]], where he mentioned talking to a cute goth girl on Facebook and said that if played his cards right, he could get himself a girlfriend very soon. Josh said that the girl's name was Jess and that she was a bartender in Casper. She said that he asked a friend of his (most likely Scotty), and they said they knew a girl called Jess who wanted to meet Josh. Josh also said that Scotty was invited to a party on the 1st of December, and Scotty wanted to bring Josh as his plus one.

It is unclear if this party ever happened, Josh never mentioned it in December and it would go forgotten for the remainder of his years. It's possible that this party was one of the parties Josh talked about doing elicit substances with Scotty at although that remains unknown at this point in time.

On December the 9th, Josh made a video called "I got a new kinfe."[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMRBHi0rvWU|(4)]] Around halfway through the video, Josh says that Jess was expected to show up at Josh's apartment on Thursday (the 10th) or Friday (the 11th). Josh made mention that Jess played guitar and also had Asperger's. Funnily enough, Josh said that Scotty was trying to set Josh up with a girl who listens to Cradle of Filth, plays guitar, smokes and also has Asperger's. Huh, that's really coincidental and not at all weird.

Jess would not show up on those dates. In fact, Jess would disappear altogether and really never be mentioned by Cobra again. Through exhaustive archiving and research, Jess has not been confirmed to exist to this day. She was, as you'll soon see, part of a long line of women who have never materialized nor existed.


===== The Bailey Chapter =====
{{ :sagas:bailey-saga-deleted-videos.jpg?200|}}

From December 10th to the 16th, Josh uploaded a few videos talking about being introduced to Bailey by Josh's friend Homeboy Scotty. In these videos Josh talked about Scotty wanting to set him up with a girl named Bailey and talked about the similarities they have. Around this time, Scotty invited Josh to a party that Bailey would be attending, so he could meet her for the first time. Josh made two videos called 'im going to a party to hang out with my female date' and 'The party didnt happen' where he pulled an all-nighter, even though he had to work the next day. Josh was excited to meet Bailey at the party and would repeat the facts about Bailey that Scotty had told him. After the party did not happen, Josh made a follow-up video but then went back and deleted all the videos related to Bailey and the date.

On December 16th, Josh uploaded a video called Why I delete my videos sometimes, in which he made mention of deleting videos from his channel and keeping parts of his private life off of YouTube. Josh made mention of Scotty trying to invite Josh to a party to meet Bailey numerous times but the party would get cancelled every single time. Josh said that Scotty told him the party was cancelled because Bailey's dog, a three-year-old Pitbull named "Spud" was run over and killed by a drunk driver[2]. Scotty claimed the driver got away with killing the dog because he had an alibi so the police couldn't do anything. Scotty also said that he lost Bailey's number because telemarketers wouldn't stop calling her, so she changed her number making her unreachable. Josh ended the video on a positive note by saying this will give him time to practice playing the guitar for Bailey.

On December 19th, Josh uploaded a video called "Went and saw the new Star Wars movie", and mentioned that Scotty had been trying to set him up with Bailey and some of his fans on YouTube have doubted Scotty. Josh was confident that it would happen and said that Bailey would be hosting a New Year's party. For the rest of the video, Josh said that the dating scene in Casper was slim pickings and wondered if he was asexual.

Later that same day, Josh uploaded a video called Presidential elections are coming up where he mentioned yet again that Bailey could be hosting a New Year's party. Josh addressed the comments on YouTube saying that Scotty was catfishing him but Josh didn't believe it. Josh disabled the comments section on the video and said he was very close to giving up on the dating scene because he anticipates rejection due to his lack of confidence.

=== Scotty Defends Himself on Video ====

{{ :sagas:my_good_friend_scotty_on_camera_setting_the_record_straight_2015-12-21_2-42_screenshot.png?200|}}

Scotty defends himself on camera
On December 21st, Josh uploaded the iconic video "My good friend Scotty on camera setting the record straight". Scotty adamantly defended himself and addressed the comments made by Josh's fans and trolls that Scotty was catfishing Josh. Scotty took the term 'catfishing' literally and said that "he wasn't catfishing Josh because he didn't have a fishing rod." Scotty said that he was not having sex with Bailey, he would never "fuck a homie's girl" and that he was doing alright for himself when it came to the ladies. Scotty spoke about Bailey's Pitbull "Spud" being killed and claimed that he helped Bailey bury the dog and even cried. Scotty then said that Bailey was holding a New Year's party on January 1st and Josh was invited. Scotty claimed that he had the opportunity to have sex with Bailey but refused because he felt she was better suited for Josh. Scotty concluded the video by saying he hates liars and would never lie to his friends, especially Josh. Scotty also claimed that Bailey was selling a Colt King Cobra revolver and Josh was interested in purchasing it from her. Scotty said that he would get Bailey's new number and text it to Josh as soon as he could.

On December 23rd, Josh uploaded a video called Shon and Saunders holiday episode where Josh talked to his dummy Shon about Scotty trying to set him up with Bailey.


===== The Elusive Bailey =====

The new year rolled over into 2016 and Bailey's New Year's party, scheduled for the 1st of January, surprisingly did not come to pass.

On January 10th, 2016, Josh uploaded a video called "I think I might be asexual". Josh spoke about having a difficult time with the opposite sex because of his autism and felt that he may be asexual. Partly through the video Josh said that it could all change if Bailey's new party at the end of the month happens. Josh mentioned that Scotty claimed he went to high school with Bailey and that she shared similar interests. Josh even at one point agreed that it was very strange that every time him and Bailey would meet, minor inconveniences would prevent it from happening. Josh even says that Scotty showed him a picture of Bailey on Facebook and Josh found her really attractive. Scotty also told Josh that if Bailey doesn't work out, he knows a bunch of girls that would be interested in him.[3]


On the 13th of January, Josh uploaded a video called "Kicking it with a home boy". Scotty once again defended himself from allegations that he was a liar and was just catfishing Josh with Bailey, all while sniffing tobacco snuff. Scotty tells Josh that if the party at the end of the month doesn't happen, she still wants to meet up with Josh.

|{{ :sagas:kicking_it_with_a_home_boy_2016-01-13_8-54_screenshot.png?200 |}}|
|  **Scotty and Josh sniffing tobacco.**  |

Predictably, the party that Bailey was throwing at the end of the month didn't happen.

On February 2nd, Josh uploaded a video called "Im a hypocrite and I don't care" where he brought up that people were asking in the comments if he had met Bailey yet. Josh was still giving Scotty the benefit of the doubt that it would happen and lists off all the similarities that they have. Josh also made mention that Bailey has had history with guys not treating her right so that's why she's reluctant to meeting new people.

On February 6th, Josh uploaded a video called "people creating fake youtube accounts to mess with me" where he said that people were creating fake profiles pretending to be Bailey to troll Josh. Josh said that he knew these profiles were fake but Scotty told him that Bailey didn't have any social media accounts. Josh mentioned the similarities he and Bailey had and mentioned again that if anything between him and Bailey didn't happen, Scotty knew other girls that would be interested in him.

The very next day on February 7th, Josh uploaded a video called "Vocal Covers" where he discussed the fake Bailey account on YouTube being used to troll Josh. Josh stuck up for Scotty and said that trust and believe, if Scotty had her number he would obviously give it to Josh. Scotty defended himself by saying that he didn't have her number because she never gave it to him. Josh felt that Bailey may not want to meet him because plans fell apart every time and when they had tried to meet up, it always got cancelled. During the video Josh ragged on himself and said he was ugly and had low self-esteem. Josh said that people on YouTube were talking shit for saying that Scotty is playing him and Scotty replied saying "I have no control over bitches bro. Seriously.".[4]

The next day on February 8th, Josh uploaded a video called "people who talk shit on Scotty are pathetic" where he defended Scotty from people in the YouTube comments calling Scotty a liar. Josh said that Scotty told him that he knew where Bailey lived and that there was a good chance they would be meeting sometime soon. Josh had high hopes that if he ever met Bailey, they would become an item.

On February 9th, Josh uploaded a video called "Ranting" where he spoke about being alone for Valentine's Day and referred to himself as the "autistic Seinfeld" when thinking about why his fans watch his videos. Josh said he had been getting comments saying that Bailey wasn't real but said she was and that Scotty knows where she lives. Josh thought about looking her up on Google Maps but found that a little stalkerish and said that Scotty doesn't have her address, he just "knows where she lives." Josh ended the video saying that Scotty called him a while ago meet him at the mall but Josh declined not realized that Bailey was supposedly with him.

On March 6th, Josh uploaded a video called "Drink combo" where he spoke about Bailey being real and that him and Scotty were going to try and contact Bailey tomorrow. Josh mentioned again that Bailey doesn't do social media and if she doesn't work out, Scotty knew of plenty more girls.

Josh did not meet up with Bailey the day after this video.

On March 21st, Josh uploaded a video called "The story of my first kiss" in which he had to remake. Josh told the story about his first kiss but then began talking about Bailey again. Once again, the plans to meet her got cancelled and Scotty told Josh that he only communicated with Bailey through an app that Josh conveniently couldn't download on his own phone. Josh believed that Bailey was hesitant about meeting Josh because of the way she had been treated by other guys. Scotty also said that Bailey was thinking of going asexual, similar to Josh. Scotty threw a spanner in the works and told Josh that he may be moving to Colorado in November of that same year. Josh was saddened by the news because he thought that without Scotty, he would never meet Bailey.

On March 23rd, Josh uploaded a very iconic video called "Food review and other topics" where he took out a $14 money loan to buy a medium-sized pizza from Little Caesars. Josh originally wanted a $200 loan from Mister Money - a pawn shop in Casper - but they only gave him $14. That same day, Josh almost sold his [[objects:the bike|bike]] to a pawn shop that he originally bought for $857, but fortunately there was a line and he didn't go through with it. Around halfway through the video, Josh made mention that he would be getting his tax returns soon and with that money, he would like to take Bailey out on a date... if he got the chance to meet her. Josh said that he hadn't heard about Bailey from Scotty in weeks and wondered if she lost interest in him. Josh said that if she had lost interest in him, he would go asexual or get a sex doll.

Bailey has, unsurprisingly, not been confirmed to exist to this day.

===== The Izzy Saga =====

A picture of Izzy (if she was real)
On April 4th, Josh uploaded a video called "Swisher Sweets Summer Twist cigarillo review" where he brought up again that it had been months since Scotty had tried helping Josh meet Bailey, and suspected it's gone on so long that she may have lost interest. Josh then proceeded to say that Scotty was having sex with a girl the other day and could have had sex with her friend, but he got the same vibe he got with Bailey and decided not to. Scotty thought she would be perfect for Josh and spoke to her about Josh, and she apparently said she would like to meet Josh.

A few days later, on April 6th, Josh uploaded a video called "what I use to wash my hair" where he re-told the story of Scotty getting Bailey vibes with a new girl he met. Scotty told Josh that she was 21, goth and had long dark hair with green eyes. Josh said that when he gets his tax returns, he would try and contact Bailey or the new girl called Izzy. Josh was happy Izzy was 21 because he was thinking of taking her to Frosty's Bar and Grill for a date. Josh ended the video saying he had no reason not to trust Scotty when he claimed he could get him a girlfriend.

On May 31st, Josh uploaded a video called "Cigar review" where Josh briefly mentioned that Scotty was trying to set him up with two girls, Bailey and Izzy.

On June 26th, Josh uploaded a video called "I have a date with a girl coming up soon" where Josh says that he has a date coming up with Izzy on the upcoming Friday (July 1st). Josh is a little worried about the date because he thinks that he's as boring as watching paint dry. Josh mentions that Scotty's fuck buddy Tina had a roommate that wanted to meet Josh and that she had black hair, green eyes and played the guitar. Josh made mention that if the date goes horribly and gets rejected, he would give up on dating. Josh also said that the date would be a double date with Scotty and his fuck buddy Tina at a park in town. Josh ended the video using his magical powers to contact the dead to ask about the date, and they said it would go well.

On June 30th, Josh uploaded a video called "Looking forwerd(sic) to my date" where he was looking forward to the date so much, he was pulling an all-nighter, even though he had work the next day from 11:30am until 2pm at Wendy's. Josh was hoping that work would fly by fast tomorrow, so he could finally go on the date with Izzy. Josh prematurely told his fans that if you didn't see him on YouTube in a while, the reason would be that he has a girlfriend. Josh stated that if he started dating Izzy then he wouldn't force her to be in his videos unless she wanted to. Josh ended the video talking about trolls in his YouTube comments betting on if the date with Izzy would be cancelled or not.

On July 2nd, the day after the supposed date, Josh uploaded a video called "My date was canceled last night" where unfortunately, his double date with Izzy, Scotty and Scotty's friends with benefits Tina was close to happening, but Tina couldn't decide if she wanted to be Scotty's girlfriend of his fuck buddy. Josh said that this was Tina's fault, and she ruined Josh's opportunity to meet Izzy. Josh went on to say that he waited up until 4AM, hoping that Scotty and Tina would patch things up so that the date could have happened. Josh was really upset that the date didn't happen and felt that last night was a huge let down. Josh said that he should have pussy falling into his lap because of his big muscles and his possession of a large penis. Josh ended the video saying that he would be alone the rest of his life and that he had five more years in his prime before it slipped away.

Later that same night, Josh uploaded a video called "New album and discussing the finer point of shot gunning" where he briefly spoke about his date getting cancelled but was happy that his seventh album 'Willows of Sorrow' uploaded to TuneCore. Sadly, it was quickly taken down because of copyright issues, as Josh sampled other artists' music in his songs.


===== The OK Cupid Date =====

After the numerous failed attempts at meeting both Bailey and Izzy, Josh tried his hand at online dating again. Josh joined and made an account on the online popular dating website Ok Cupid. From July 2nd or 3rd, matched up with a girl locally in Casper. Josh did not notice that she conspicuously and very strangely matched all of his interests and sexual preferences. It's hypothesized that this was a troll.

On July 9th, Josh uploaded a video called "its been a shitty couple of weeks in America." Josh spoke about joining Ok Cupid and was talking to a cute girl that could be coming over to his apartment later on that day.

The very next day on July 10th, Josh uploaded a video called "Why is dateing so difficult" where he said that his Ok Cupid date backed out last minute. Josh tried contacting Ok Cupid for a refund after purchasing a premium membership. Throughout the video Josh said that he hadn't given up on dating, it just wouldn't be his main focus going forward. Josh made mention that he will be on the podcast 'Illogical Contraption'[5] and that a fan was selling limited edition Gothic King Cobra t-shirts.[6]

On July 24th, Josh uploaded the iconic video "Hanging out at the Fair" but quickly deleted it shortly after it was uploaded. Luckily, a fan saved the video and re-uploaded it to YouTube. Josh started off the video saying that his Ok Cupid date cancelled on him last minute and someone asked Izzy to the fair, according to Scotty. Josh wasn't bitter that Izzy found another guy to go with and wished her the best of luck. Josh said that Scotty was trying his hardest to get Josh a girlfriend but it wasn't working and said he was feeling sexually unattractive, even go so far as to calling himself a disgusting ugly freak. Scotty tried his best to cheer up by saying that famous rapper Rick Ross was ugly and got all the girls. Josh beat himself up and said that if he didn't schedule a date with the girl from Ok Cupid that he could have asked Izzy to the fair. Josh was defeated and spoke about potentially going asexual.

The very next day, Josh uploaded the video "I'm not gay and I'm not trans" and spoke about the fair video, the Ok Cupid date backing out last minute and that Izzy had found a new boyfriend. Josh also noted that Scotty and Tina were now dating and were no longer fuck buddies. Josh ended the video talking about giving up on dating and either going asexual or buying a sex doll.

On September 4th, Josh uploaded the video "Im giveng up on sex and companionship", where Josh briefly talked about Scotty sending a picture of Josh's Facebook picture to girls he knew to try and set him up, but they judged him and said no almost all the time. For the rest of the video Josh spoke about finding the idea of sex disgusting and also mentioned that Scotty's sister Carlyon wanted to buy Josh a fl*shlight for Christmas but Josh declined. Josh ended the video saying that he believed 85% of women found him creepy looking and that relationships are for weak-minded people.

Finally, on November 17th, Josh uploaded the video "New burger video on the way" and other topics. Josh spoke about Scotty trying to set him up with Bailey and how it didn't work out. On top of mentioning Scotty lost her number after she was harassed by telemarketers, Josh said that Scotty told him that Bailey smoked from pipes. Josh also made mention that he couldn't make Bailey's New Years party because he was with family over the holidays. Scotty told Josh that Bailey cancelled the party because she didn't think Josh was going to be in town to make it to the party. Josh ended the Bailey discussion by saying that Bailey didn't do social media and talked about how his internet fame could have scared her off.

===== Final Mentions of Bailey =====
On April 7th, 2017, Josh uploaded the cooking video "How to make hard boiled eggs" where he made mention of Scotty trying to set Josh up with girls, but they always cancel last minute or think he's gross. Josh mentions Bailey and how Scotty went to high school with her, but she ultimately gave up because the plans to meet Josh always fell through. Josh spoke about how Bailey didn't do social media and called it poison. Josh agreed with Bailey and said that his trolls make YouTube account pretending to be her to harass him.

After the cooking video, Josh uploaded the video "Ordered some pipe tobacco" where he makes mention of Bailey and how the plans to meet her always fell through. Josh said he wished he kept Bailey a secret and never mentioned her on YouTube because his trolls would make fun of him using accounts named after her. Josh also makes mention of people trolling Steve with the fake Bailey accounts and that he warned him that they were fake.

===== The First Sex Doll =====

In the wake of the Izzy incident, Josh becomes frustrated with his inability to find a girlfriend - but does not attribute any of this to Scotty. Josh begins to contemplate getting a $2000+ sex doll and starts a GoFundMe in hopes of raising the required funds. The GoFundMe page is later deleted after fans question his real intentions.\\
Josh begins uploading cooking tutorial videos more frequently. Having received a number of various hot sauces as a gift, Josh (as he does with all foods) combines all of them in order to create what he calls "The Satan Six Hot Sauce".\\
Josh posts a video entitled "Rest in Peace Scotty Moore guitarist for Elvis". Fans assume that Homeboy Scotty has died, and Josh posts a video to show that Scotty is still alive and well. \\
Reminiscent of the infamous video, Josh, Scotty, and another friend visit the carnival but don't have enough money to ride any of the rides.\\
Josh begins eating a ton of onions and rubbing them on his head, believing it will cause his hair to grow back. Needless to say, it doesn't. The Saga officially ends when YouTube troll Castellus Zemi calls Wendy's corporate office and complains about Josh's videos. Once again, Josh would seemingly hit rock bottom - no money, no job, no of-age goth pussy. This would bring the advent of [[sagas:The Post-Wendy's Saga]] and end The Bailey and Izzy Saga for good.

===== Conclusion =====

After the Bailey and Izzy Saga ended in 2016/17, Josh would go on to hardly mention Bailey again in his YouTube videos unless trolls would make the fake Bailey accounts. Most of Josh's fans believe that Scotty made up Bailey and Izzy in an effort to sadistically cheer Josh up. Due to Josh's loyalty to his friends, Josh never questioned Scotty's intentions and still believes to this day that Bailey and Izzy were real people.

On July 13th, 2018, a fan/troll reached out to Scotty's ex-girlfriend and mother of his children Tina and asked her if Bailey and Izzy were real. Tina said that Scotty was in fact lying and called him a compulsive liar.

If you can ever say something positive about Josh, it's that he is a loyal friend even the face of insurmountable odds. He will disregard reality more than he usually does if it means his loyalty to his friend is in question. This also means that, in the context of his personal friends, he is incredibly naïve.

{{page>:blurbs#The KingCobraJFS Story}}