Differences

This shows you the differences between two versions of the page.

--- sagas:the_wandmaker_saga [2024/09/25 16:22] – stuffedcrustfrompapajohnswithextracheeseextrabacononionsjalapenosandanchoviesdoodt
+++ sagas:the_wandmaker_saga [2025/02/08 22:44] (current) – stuffedcrustfrompapajohnswithextracheeseextrabacononionsjalapenosandanchoviesdoodt
@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-{{page>:blurbs#Stub}}
 ====== The Wandmaker Saga ======
-**The Wandmaker Saga** is the era in history where Josh would introduce his best money-making scheme yet in the inception of [[art:wand business|Cobra Craft Wands]]. This saga is particularly infamous, as this would be the start of several new forms of trolling - Mail trolling, Wellness Checkers, and the anime imageboard classic of sending pizzas to people you don't like. This saga would span from December of 2017 to November of 2019, the beginning of [[sagas:The Ellen Saga]].
+**The Wandmaker Saga** is the era in history where Josh would introduce his best money-making scheme yet in the inception of [[art:wand business|Cobra Craft Wands]]. This saga is particularly infamous, as this would be the start of several new forms of trolling - Mail trolling, Wellness Checkers, and the anime imageboard classic of sending pizzas to people you don't like. This saga would span from December of 2017 to summer of 2018, the beginning of [[sagas:The Rage Saga]].
-Josh insists quite often that this is his business and his livelihood. The accuracy of this claim is dubious at best, as his lives primarily off his governmental SSI checks and has never truly invested any of his profit into expansion or the purchase of proper tools. What Josh instead invests in is copious amounts of fast food, miscellaneous gas station items, Chatterbate donations and very regular substance abuse.
+Josh insists quite often that this is his business and his livelihood. The accuracy of this claim is dubious at best, as his lives primarily off his governmental SSI checks and has never truly invested any of his profit into expansion or the purchase of proper tools. What Josh instead invests in is copious amounts of fast food, miscellaneous gas station items, Chaturbate donations and very regular substance abuse.
+This would be considered by many to be the the twilight of KingCobraJFS' quality content, as Josh would spend much of his time getting up to bizarre antics across Casper, chilling with multiple homeboys(sometimes as many as two in a video), and occasionally getting action. Much like his business, it would eventually come to ruin, a veritable empire of dirt.
 ===== Characters Overview =====
@@ Line 11: / Line 12: @@
   ***[[characters:KingCobraJFS]]:** Josh is once again single with the loss of Summer. Rife with betrayals, a hairline that is more of a hair-crater, and still no job, the Boglim transformation is almost complete. His lazy eye has gotten so bad that it's nearly 90 degrees to the right of his good eye, and he is hiding his receding hairline with a black do-rag.
-  ***[[characters:Gothic Dee]]:** Dee would have a short-lived appearance in this saga, dealing the worst possible insult to Josh in the process by calling him a fake goth.
-  ***[[characters:Homeboy Scotty]]:** Showing up in a particularly infamous stream, Scotty's appearance in the Cobraverse  has become exceptionally diminished at this stage.
 ==== Minor Characters ====
-  ***[[characters:Casper Police Department]]:** Josh would be swatted [[incidents:cobra gets SWATTED|numerous times]] during this saga, which would build a familiarity between local authorities and Josh Saunders.
   ***[[characters:Alex Anderson]]:** Alex Anderson would make brief cameos in a number of videos during this time, although for the most part he remains out of camera.
 ===== Set Up =====
-Just before Josh's breakup with Summer, Josh would show a rare spark of creativity and begin talking about possibly setting up a business of making wands. Not letting his breakup deter him, Josh would eventually use this to springboard his greatest business endeavor yet by picking up random twigs and selling them for high value(Approx. $24 USD each). Josh would return to Facebook streaming on January 13th, 2018.
+Just before Josh's breakup with Summer, Josh would show a rare spark of creativity and begin talking about possibly setting up a business of making wands(Sometimes spelt "juans" due in part to Josh's inability to speak). Not letting his breakup deter him, Josh would eventually use this to springboard his greatest business endeavor yet by picking up random twigs and selling them for high value(Approx. $24 USD each). Josh would return to Facebook streaming on January 13th, 2018.
 ===== Timeline of Events =====
@@ Line 30: / Line 28: @@
 Josh would spend several months talking about making a business out of creating magic wands for his followers and selling them on Etsy. In typical fashion, Josh would continue to waffle on this topic until in early 2017,a talented Etsy artist/fan named Don 'FriendPrices' Picton designed Josh a great logo for Cobra Craft Handmade Wands, specifically for Josh. Josh liked the logo, but decided to ruin it by filling parts of the logo in with black and green himself on Paint instead of consulting the artist. Many of Josh's fans called this move very disrespectful to the artist but Josh would run damage control, claiming that the logo that was sent to him was a template and that he could do whatever he wanted with it.
-Josh would also start making night videos where he would wander around [[places:Casper]], displaying his magic power by waving his wand at traffic lights to make them change an appropriate amount of time after he points his wand at them. Complimenting this external schizophrenia, Josh would have a Facebook livestream where he had an autistic meltdown after eating some burgers, calling himself a "fat fuck" and repeatedly slapping himself in the face.
+Josh would also start making night videos where he would wander around [[places:Casper]], displaying his magic power by waving his wand at traffic lights to make them change an appropriate amount of time after he points his wand at them. Complimenting this external schizophrenia, Josh would have a Facebook livestream where he had an autistic meltdown after eating some burgers, calling himself a "fat fuck" and repeatedly slapping himself in the face. This would also be the period in which Josh would have a public meltdown after dropping a bag of Old Trapper jerky in the snow.
-==== The T-shirt extravaganza ====
+==== Trolls give Josh their packages ====
 In February, Josh would fund his Cobra Craft Wands by starting a fundraiser - purchasing his T-shirts would bankroll his business, allowing him to buy [[objects:the lathe|important tools]] to help make his wands. Although the Cobra Craft Wands T-shirt would be the main selling point, Josh would make numerous other T-shirts so that his fans "had a wide array of T-shirts to choose from". This trend of Josh making innumerable, poorly designed T-shirts would become a mainstay in Josh's repertoire for years to come.
-Fans would start sending Josh pizzas in the mail around this time. After a while, trolls would stop paying for them, meaning that whoever delivered them would expect Josh to pay for them. On top of the pizzas, Josh would be sent a new [[objects:the dog collar|dog collar]] as well as other troll gifts, such as bald caps, an anal douche for men, penis-shaped breath mints, a "Grow a Girlfriend" novelty sponge, an exploding tube of pink glitter, and an odd vase-like metal object which puzzled and angered Josh.  \\
-Josh would also debut a new kind of video to his arsenal, "Pipe thoughts": An excuse for Josh to smoke his pipe indoors while talking about various hot topics, similar to his "guitar insites" videos of [[sagas:the gothickingcobra52 saga|many moons ago.]]
+Fans would start sending Josh pizzas in the mail around this time. After a while, trolls would stop paying for them, meaning that whoever delivered them would expect Josh to pay for them. On top of the pizzas, Josh would be sent a new [[objects:the dog collar|dog collar]] as well as other troll gifts to get a rise out of him, such as bald caps, an anal douche for men, penis-shaped breath mints, a "Grow a Girlfriend" novelty sponge, an exploding tube of pink glitter, and an odd vase-like metal object which puzzled and angered Josh. The package Josh actually //did// order, an overpriced whammy bar for his guitar, would arrive a week into this aside of fan mail trolling, only for it not to fit in Josh's guitar. \\
+Josh would also debut a new kind of video to his arsenal, "Pipe thoughts": An excuse for Josh to smoke his pipe indoors while talking about various hot topics, similar to his "guitar insites" videos of [[sagas:the gothickingcobra52 saga|many moons ago.]] Josh would also reset his dry spell during this time from an unknown(Possibly drunnk) girl that a homeboy set him up with.
 ==== The first batch ====
-In February, Josh would show off a handful of wands, stating his plans to make 10 wands to sell on Etsy.
+Josh would spend many streams during this time chilling with homeboys and spraypainting his wands indoors, which would destroy the carpet and interior of his apartment. In February, Josh would show off a handful of now completed wands, stating his plans to make 10 wands to sell on Etsy.
-On March 4th of 2018, Josh would announce that his first batch of wands was complete, and he was going to publicly list them on Etsy in the days to come. Unfortunately for Josh, he posted an image of his wands and his address was clearly visible on a Pipes and Cigars magazine on his dining room table. After deleting said picture, Josh listed his first batch of 10 wands on Etsy for $24 each.
+On March 4th of 2018, Josh would announce that his first batch of wands was complete, and he was going to publicly list them on Etsy in the days to come. Unfortunately for Josh, he posted an image of his wands with his address clearly visible on a Pipes and Cigars magazine on his dining room table. After deleting said picture, Josh listed his first batch of 10 wands on Etsy for $24 each.
 Later that night, Josh made a video called CobraCraftWands to let his YouTube subscribers know that his wands were finally up for sale. Seven minutes into the video, Josh refreshed his store and all ten of his wands were sold. Josh made $240 but did not deduct the shipping costs that his customers paid for. Josh would become ecstatic and began reading out the full names of everyone who bought a wand.
@@ Line 54: / Line 54: @@
 During a livestream in early march, Josh would have the first of many legendary temper tantrums involving his phone - In his attempt to say "This here is mountain lightning soda and it's delicious", Josh's alcohol-induced lisp would make "This here" sound like "Hey, Siri". Josh would repeatedly attempt to start his spiel, only for Siri to interrupt him as he began his sentence. Rather than simply move his phone or turn it off, Josh instead opted to repeatedly batter his phone, damaging it in the process.
-Doubling down on this, a troll would send Josh a glitter bomb in the mail, which he would unknowingly open. In a moment of surprising intelligence from Josh, he would simply concede the clever nature of the prank and amicably chuckle. Once again, Josh would be his own worst enemy with his next greatest challenge: The self-made Fiery Fish Pizza. Pre-made pizza dough, four different Primo seasonings, Swampadelic sauce, eight Taco Bell hot sauce packets, cheese, pepperoni, hot sauce soaked sardines, Doritos, giardiniera and curly fries. In typical Cobra King fashion, Josh would devour his horrifying creation live, only for the troll pizza to launch a counteroffensive on his internal organs. The assault of spice packets on his digestive system too much to bear, Josh would almost INSTANTLY beeline to his bathroom, dry heaving into the toilet allegedly from "the spice".
+Doubling down on this, a troll would send Josh a glitter bomb in the mail, which he would unknowingly open. In a moment of surprising intelligence from Josh, he would simply concede the clever nature of the prank and amicably chuckle. Once again, Josh would be his own worst enemy with his next greatest challenge: The self-made Fiery Fish Pizza. Pre-made pizza dough, four different Primo seasonings, Swampadelic sauce, eight Taco Bell hot sauce packets, cheese, pepperoni, hot sauce soaked sardines, Doritos, giardiniera and curly fries. In typical Cobra King fashion, Josh would devour his horrifying creation live, only for the troll pizza to launch a counteroffensive on his internal organs. The assault of spice packets on his digestive system too much to bear, Josh would almost INSTANTLY beeline to his bathroom, dry heaving into the toilet allegedly from "the heat".
 Josh would refer to this in later streams as "the pizza ordeal" and never delve that deep into spices ever again. Until the next time, when he tried the Mad Dog .357 Revenge sauce slathered liberally on a Dorito, which he immediately had to spit out.
+==== Unrequited love ====
+In March, Josh would stalk his high school crush, Alicia, and discover she had a boyfriend that had everything Josh didn't: A car, employment, a full head of hair, etc.. Unsurprisingly, this would upset Josh to no end, and he would spend days on end talking about how he wasn't going to talk about Alicia. With backup from his friend Warlord, Josh would delude himself into thinking Alicia hated her new boyfriend, and become lovesick once more.
 ==== The Second Batch, and the Warlord T-shirt incident ====
 Josh would continue to make the various uploaded video and occasional stream throughout March and April, including an incident where Josh spilled water on his nearly brand-new phone, choking himself out of rage. \\
-Josh would also announce that he was working on his second batch of wands, proudly displaying three new wands on stream. Shortly after this, Josh would get banned on April 7th, 2018 for saying multiple slurs. This would also be the time of [[characters:warlord#The Warlord Cock T-shirt]] incident, where a fan would send him a T-shirt via Teespring of a Warlord dick pic, which Josh would unintentionally flash the camera with during a quick unboxing video. Josh would be incensed by this gift, and immediately throw it out while getting mad at everyone involved, from the troll who sent it to Teespring themselves.
+Shortly after releasing [[albums:Trails of the Abyss]], Josh would also announce that he was working on his second batch of wands, proudly displaying three new wands on stream. Shortly after this, Josh would get banned on April 7th, 2018 for saying multiple slurs. Josh would defend his usage of slurs by saying that the N word meant "Ignorant person". This would also be the time of [[characters:warlord#The Warlord Cock T-shirt]] incident, where a fan would send him a T-shirt via Teespring of a Warlord dick pic, which Josh would unintentionally flash the camera with during a quick unboxing video. Josh would be incensed by this gift, and immediately throw it out while getting mad at everyone involved, from the troll who sent it to Teespring themselves.
 ==== A new wave of trolling ====
 During April, Josh would get numerous prank calls on video, including a group who claimed that they wanted to co-opt an album with him. Another troll would go even farther however, and get Josh swatted by the [[characters:Casper Police Department]] during a drunk livestream where Cobes attempted to make some vocal covers of popular songs, saying that he wouldn't kill himself because of his fans and family.
+In his time of need, Warlord would offer his wife to Josh to abate his dry spell. Josh would refuse, saying that he didn't want to get Warlord's wife "double pregnant" and accidentally predicted the eventual divorce of the couple.
 ==== The pistol sub-saga ====
-Josh would proudly show off his latest purchase for his fans to see - A snub-nose .38 special revolver painted Josh's signature black and green dubbed his shamrock - on a livestream hilariously titled "gun control rant" on April 14, 2018. In it, Josh would demonstrate his trained gun safety skills by opening the chamber of his pistol and inspecting the cylinder to ensure no bullets were in it in the safest manner possible: Pointing the barrel of the gun at his own head in the process.
+Josh would proudly show off his latest purchase for his fans to see - A snub-nose .38 special revolver painted Josh's signature black and green dubbed his shamrock - on a livestream hilariously titled "gun control rant" on April 14, 2018. In it, Josh would demonstrate his responsible gun owner skills by opening the chamber of his pistol and inspecting the cylinder to ensure no bullets were in it in the safest manner possible: Pointing the barrel of the gun at his own head in the process. Josh would also go on KeeperCast and do the exact same thing, drunkenly showing off his pistol.
+Three days later, Josh would start a livestream titled "Returning my pisol" where he grumpily detailed that he had to return his pistol because his cell phone had broken again, and he needed the money from selling the pistol to make ends meet. There is no possible way that Clint stepped in and told him to sell it after Josh's horrific display of gun control made its way back to him, especially as Josh had made this purchase a secret from Clint. After threatening to cut his financial support, Josh would relent in the face of Homedad Clint's ultimatum.
-Three days later, Josh would start a livestream titled "Returning my pisol" where he grumpily detailed that he had to return his pistol because his cell phone had broken again, and he needed the money from selling the pistol to make ends meet. There is no possible way that Clint stepped in and told him to sell it after Josh's horrific display of gun control made its way back to him.
+After discovering that gun stores don't do refunds, Josh would pawn his gun away and be confronted by Clint on his poor spending habits, as Josh hadn't taken 300 dollars out from his money, but over //twelve thousand dollars//, that had now vanished like smoke. Obviously, this would not exactly change.
 ==== A temporary ban and a temporary throne ====
 In May, Josh received a copyright strike on YouTube for watching Family Guy Funny Moments while waiting for a painted wand from his third batch to dry. As a result, he would lose his streaming privileges for 5 months AND break his phone(Which would prevent him from streaming on Facebook), crippling the Cobraverse with this reduced avenue for content. This would however, lead to a multi-part rant video where Josh would get extremely emotional over mass shootings, weed being illegal, and homeless veterans not getting the attention they deserve.
-Josh would also debut a new black chair sometimes seen in the background of videos before - A black recliner that looked like it had been stolen from an old man's home.
+Josh would also debut a new black chair sometimes seen in the background of videos before - A black recliner that looked like it had been stolen from an old man's home. Additionally, Josh would receive a hookah from Jeremy Rogers, as he didn't want the hookah in the house with his new child.
-During this time, a fan would send Josh a bag of Lay's in the mail with the tagline "Smile with Lay's!". This would make Josh irrationally angry, and he would have a full-blown meltdown over this insistence that he smile, and set about stabbing and destroying the bag. He still ate them.
+==== Cooking with Cobra ====
+In a brief attempt to curry favor with YouTube and draw in new viewers, Josh would start a second channel at Clint's insistence called "Cooking With Cobra". Aiming to be family-friendly and attract a wider audience, Josh would release several cooking videos, including one where he would attempt to make an Elvis Presley bacon cheeseburger. Attempting to foster a more family-friendly image, Josh would fumble this image immediately after getting drunk, cursing nonstop. Josh would delete the entire channel in a rage.
+During this time, a fan would send Josh a bag of Lay's in the mail from his favorite sexy goth model Dani Divine with the tagline "Smile with Lay's!". This would make Josh irrationally angry, and he would have a full-blown meltdown over this insistence that he smile, and set about stabbing and destroying the bag. Josh still ate the chips.
 ==== Arts and Crafts ====
@@ Line 86: / Line 98: @@
 Josh would also try out the Blue Apron company's line of meals during this month, starting with a salmon plate. Not used to making actual food that isn't coated in grease, hot sauce, and Country Crock, Josh would completely fuck it up, charring the salmon pitch-black.
-==== An old adversary ====
+Josh would also get banned from //another// location, this time the Loaf and Jug gas station. Josh would need to drop a deuce, and while "passing time" started slapping his knees. However, this lead people to believe that he was cranking his hog in the restroom, loud enough to be heard at the register.
+==== An old adversary and a new one ====
 Josh would carry on streaming and making videos at a regular pace, attempting to accept his baldness by simply letting what remained of his hair grow out past shoulder-length. At this point, Josh's skull would start peeking through the blasted remains of his hair, like a baby chickling hatching from an egg.
 As usual, Josh would attempt The Star Spangled Banner for the Fourth of July and immediately screw it up, leading to a tard rage. Not long after this, we would also get the infamous Clown Makeup Stream, where Josh would go to town on his own face with black makeup, including a poorly-drawn upside-down pentagram, an upside-down cross, and black lips so large Justin Trudeau could have taken inspiration from it.
-==== The Gothic Dee Feud ====
+Josh would also begin stalking and preparing random gifts for Ellen, the daughter of one of his neighbors. **[[sagas:the_ellen_saga|This would have lasting consequences.]]**
-//for more information on this Incident, check out the full page [[incidents:the_gothic_dee_feud|here.]]//
-The Gothic Dee Feud would espouse when Gothic Dee would be baited into giving Josh a shoutout on one of her livestreams. Being a Goth girl with Asperger's Syndrome as well, it was only natural that the two would immediately go at each others' throats over misunderstandings. Goaded into drama by the Troles, Josh and Dee would have a bitter back-and-forth where Gothic Dee would call Josh the absolute worst thing she possibly could: **Not a real goth.** This insult would not only rock Josh to his core, but would also sic the Cobraverse on poor Gothic Dee, who would summarily quit YouTube shortly, unable to handle the Cobra's Venom.
-==== Subway gets pulled into Cobraverse drama ====
+===== Significance =====
-In July, Josh would have a Facebook stream featuring a rarity in this saga: An appearance from the late [[characters:Homeboy Scotty]]. During this stream, Homeboy Scotty would be badgered in Facebook stream chat and through DMs by his ex-girlfriend Tina, who had since become a junkie. During this stream, Josh would attempt to cull Scotty's and Tina's domestic dispute while reviewing a Subway sandwich, apologizing to Subway for the drama in this simple, wholesome review. The stream would peak when Tina showed up to Josh's apartment and climbed through the window of his apartment with one of his two daughters. Josh being the godfather of Scotty's children would attempt to keep things pleasant and relaxed to no avail. \\
+The Wandmaker Saga was the last true showing of Josh's creative side, as not long after his first eviction Josh would lose much of his interest in making music, wands, or really anything. While it was a positive time in his life getting such significant financial assistance from his fans and trolls, the success of Cobra Craft Wands would eventually slip from Josh's greasy boglim fingers.
-Josh would issue a formal apology to Subway for the actions in his stream.
-====  ====
-The rest of the summer would pass with little consequence, outside of Josh releasing [[albums:Hell's advocate]] and protesting the (allegedly) unlawful arrest of [[characters:Jeremy Rogers]], who threw a soda bottle (allegedly) full of urine at a police officer.
-===== Significance =====
 ===== Trivia =====
-  * Josh would change between four separate chairs during this saga, a record not bested to this day
+  * Josh would break his phone **4 times** during this saga.
-  * We would learn that Josh is into goth girls farting after a troll video was sent to him during the Gothic Dee Feud.
+  * The pipe he had spent a lot of money on breaks during this saga.
-  * Josh admits in a July stream that he shit himself on one occasion.
 {{page>:blurbs#The KingCobraJFS Story}}