Differences

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--- activities:cooking [2024/06/22 21:51] – [Techniques aka method of madness] cobrastan
+++ activities:cooking [2025/03/17 22:25] (current) – stuffedcrustfrompapajohnswithextracheeseextrabacononionsjalapenosandanchoviesdoodt
@@ Line 9: / Line 9: @@
 It would seem that cobes has recognized that, and moved from "Cooking with Cobra" to the ominous "Food Hacks" - if you read that, and had no idea what kind of a person Josh is, you could possibly expect modifications of famous recipes, making them more convenient, cutting corners while making most of it, etc. Well, throw that out of the window (after [[characters:puff_saunders|Puff]]), because Jorp's idea of a "food hack" is to hack together bunch of crap, Epic Meal style, except imagine a dirty unwashed autist, too stupid to use knife and fork, and you get a decent idea of what kind of biohazard we end up with. Some people speculate that given the boy's diet, switching to normal food would kill him at this point.
-^{{ :the-architect.webp?nolink&400|}} |
+^{{:the-architect.webp?nolink&400|}} |
 |Josh building the Tower of Babel out of sandwiches|
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 It's impossible to list every noteworthy meal the bad kitchen boy has cooked over the course of years, as there are probably hundreds of examples, here are at least some of the most infamous <del>food crimes</del> achievements:
-  * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7E4StlboB48|Potato "Fries"]] - Josh cuts up some potatoes into large chunks that no sane person would mistake for fries, and thanks to his expert skills and some grease fire, almost burns his old apartment down.
+{{:objects:kitchen-fire.png?nolink&90 |}}
-  * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TEb2xsiuiA|Deep Frtd Avocados]] - The boogerman (not to be mistaken with boogeyman) sets up to reduce innocent pieces of avocado into pile of ash. The dankness is strong with this one, the end result looks more like a pile of oysters than avocados.
-  * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKd-JYOTo-Q|Genetic Mowden Dew Eggs]] - Do you like hard boiled eggs? Did you know you can 'reduce' them, like you would reduce a sauce while cooking a normal meal? Fear not, the Iron Bog will teach you the ways.
+[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7E4StlboB48|Potato "Fries"]] - Josh cuts up some potatoes into large chunks that no sane person would mistake for fries, and thanks to his expert skills and some grease fire, almost burns his old apartment down. "The warlock's bubbling cauldron spewed forth its black ichor as he sang his curses into the night."
-  * Sushi Pizza - Do you really want to ask?
-  * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0L2wgKFsBg|The Bedbug Burrito]] - Nothing like extra protein in your day old bogrito you left sitting out for all the bedbugs to enjoy, well turns out some of the bedbugs can't escape fast enough and end up lodged between boy's remaining teeth. Doubtlessly one of the nastiest things you can see the boy doing, several bedbugs have been harmed while making the video.
+----
+{{:objects:avocados-2.png?nolink&90 |}}
+[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TEb2xsiuiA|Deep Frtd Avocados]] - The boogerman (not to be mistaken with boogeyman) sets up to reduce innocent pieces of avocado into pile of ash. The dankness is strong with this one, the end result looks more like a pile of oysters than avocados, but has that chrunch 'n munch.
+----
+{{:objects:eggs.png?nolink&90 |}}
+[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKd-JYOTo-Q|Genetic Mowden Dew Eggs]] - Do you like hard boiled eggs? Did you know you can 'reduce' them, like you would reduce a sauce while cooking a normal meal? Fear not, the Iron Bog will teach you the ways.
+----
+{{:objects:pizza-sushi.png?nolink&90 |}}
+[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twFQAFIR04o|Sushi Pizza]] - Do you really want to ask?
+----
+{{:activities:cobes-mac-n-cheese.png?nolink&90 |}}
+[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufKd2vUkFr0|DANK Mac 'n' Cheese]] - How to make Mac 'N Cheese that looks like mashed potatoes that were already in somebody's stomach. From the comments: It pairs great with apple sauce, monster, canned salmon and dark rum. M’lord has the palette of a swamp rat.
+----
+{{:objects:bogritto-1.png?nolink&90 |}}
+[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0L2wgKFsBg|The Bedbug Burrito]] - The key to getting extra protein into your day old bogrrito is to leave it sitting out for all the bedbugs to enjoy. Seeing the boy crunch on actual bugs (that are trying to desperately hide within the rotting burrito) isn't for the faint of heart, doubtlessly one of the nastiest things Jorp has ever done. Some have accussed the boy of cannibalism, but his bugs ancestry has yet to be proven.
+----
+{{:activities:catburger-disaster.png?nolink&90 |}}
+[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XpAWKNHACY|Cat Food Burger]] - When do you do, when trolls send you cat food? End sickos by wolfing it down, of course! Jorp puts reverse psychology onto another level. Incredibly disgusting to humans, a tasty treat for a boglim. Probably the healthiest meal he has eaten in years. And he enjoyed it, as he scarfed it down without any hesitation.
+----
+^{{:activities:jorp-micahwave.png?nolink&400|}} |
+|Boglim being hypnotized by the micahwave|
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   * **Playing with your food** - What's the point of cooking, if you don't have some fun with it? Endlessly poking into your food is just a way to add some much needed entertainment to otherwise serious and by the numbers process. Recommends 8 out of 10 toddlers. That's what's up!
   * **Opening cans** - Those pesky cans are bane of Cobra's existence, right after those fucking trolls! Josh is too stupid to understand how to operate can opener, so resorts to the tried and proven method since caveman times - if you just happen to be a missing link that doesn't have access to advanced tools, just adopt simpler tools like knives and hammers. That way, your tin can ends up looking like it had an encounter with Jason Voorhees. With Josh's legendary dexterity, it is a miracle the boy hasn't seriously injured himself over the course of years.
+^{{:activities:iron-bog-angle.png?nolink&600|}} |
+|Cooking with Cobra is well known for it's use of innovative camera angles|
 ====== Favorite ingredients ======
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 Josh is well supplied by his loving family, which regularly buys him groceries for his <del>nasty experiments</del> 'food hacks', and over the course of years has used many exotic ingredients in combinations that no chef has ever thought before. For some reason, the boy seems to be allergic to almost all kinds of vegetables (perhaps doesn't want to engage in cannibalism), as they rarely appear in his dank hacks.
-**Grease** - One of Josh's favorite ingredients is Country Crock, which he affectionately calls "butter". The boy lives in grease, has been born out of grease, was molded by it and will die by it, so it's only natural that a cheap and unhealthy fat is his best friend in the kitchen. Essential part of most of the iconic recipes, has to be in any serious kitchen.
+  * **Grease** - One of Josh's favorite ingredients is Country Crock, which he affectionately calls "butter". The boy lives in grease, has been born out of grease, was molded by it and will die by it, so it's only natural that a cheap and unhealthy fat is his best friend in the kitchen. Essential part of most of the iconic recipes, has to be in any serious kitchen.
+  * **Cheese** - If you don't cover your meal in so much cheese that you can't even see the original meal, are you even cooking? Your food is for pussies, unless you add double the amount of calories worth of cheese. Important part of any American household's diet.
-**Cheese** - If you don't cover your meal in so much cheese that you can't even see the original meal, are you even cooking? Your food is for pussies, unless you add double the amount of calories worth of cheese. Important part of any American household's diet.
+  * **Bacon** - Like a middle aged man stuck in the 2000's, Josh forms parts of his identity out of videos he has seen more than a decade ago. These days, nobody bats an eye over a piece of bacon, but if you remember the days of Epic Meal Time being big on Youtube (dark days, but life was simple), bacon was everywhere. So the boy, exposed to videos with manly men, doing manly things, assumed that in order to be a real man, one must eat bacon, preferably in every meal, whenever it makes sense or not. Plus, extra grease! These days, Josh is too lazy to even cook his own bacon, so instead tells his caretakers to buy him a nasty abomination called Bacon Bits.
-**Bacon** - Like a middle aged man stuck in the 2000's, Josh forms parts of his identity out of videos he has seen more than a decade ago. These days, nobody bats an eye over a piece of bacon, but if you remember the days of Epic Meal Time being big on Youtube (dark days, but life was simple), bacon was everywhere. So the boy, exposed to videos with manly men, doing manly things, assumed that in order to be a real man, one must eat bacon, preferably in every meal, whenever it makes sense or not. Plus, extra grease! These days, Josh is too lazy to even cook his own bacon, so instead tells his caretakers to buy him a nasty abomination called Bacon Bits.
+{{page>:blurbs#Josh and his beliefs}}