Ruined Birthdays

Josh has a very major habit of ruining his own birthdays in various ways. While it's hard to say for certain, one must assume that Josh's date of birth is cursed - from his very beginning, spending weeks in an incubation tube at infancy, to his 33rd birthday, the same day he was served his eviction papers.

Ruined Birthdays
“it's gonna be okay, Clint, it's only an hour away. How much damage could Josh do to himself in an hour?”
Event style: Various
Location: Conquistador Apartments
Important characters: KingCobraJFS, Nakedandlaughing, Clint Saunders
Summary: Happy birthday Cobra!
Event Genre: Comedy, Tragedy
Results: The King enraged, numerous fans doxxed, eviction, etc.
Saga: Various

Josh would open up his livestream with a tremendous sigh, as if he were to start an apology video. Josh would spend the beginning of the stream jawjacking with troles and drinking alcohol. The stream would immediately begin to spiral downhill when Josh spilt his entire beer, causing an outrage live on camera. His fury barely contained, Josh would continue to furiously lament his inability to put a can of beer down properly. It's worth noting that he's already this sloshed by 10 AM. Josh would furiously practice picking up and setting down his beer can before spilling it again over his keyboard. This bitter mood would continue throughout the stream.
Josh would continue his stream by E-begging and getting more hammered, not having any birthday plans. Troles would home in on Josh's short temper, wishing him a happy 30th birthday, causing him to seethe even further. Josh would continue to talk shit with his haters, including someone offering him $50 to do a line of pipe tobacco, and a potential customer asking Josh to put a “pleasure spell” on his next batch of wands, as his lady friend was planning to buy one to pleasure herself with. This would lead to Josh giving the troll a stern lecture. Josh would finish his stream out by eating leftover dominoes pizza as breakfast and talking about how he rules his trolls' sad, miserable, pathetic lives. Warlord would make a brief appearance before the stream ended.

In a Discord call, Josh would disclose that at his 30th birthday party, Clint would tell Josh that his high school crush Alicia had committed suicide due to The Troles. Distraught, Josh would remain in turmoil for days before some shit-touchers in a Discord call with him would let him know that Alicia was very much still alive.

Now, if you asked yourself “How quickly can a man devolve into a drunken wreck that Olive Garden would refuse service to”, you'd be in for a nasty shock. Josh would start this stream at around 3:30 PM, starting his stream almost immediately by starting a drink combo - half-and-half Vodka and A&W cream soda - and fielding a call from his homedad Clint. Josh would disclose that he and his dad were going to go to Olive Garden for his birthday, and that he ought to shower and change into a fresh set of clothing, not wanting to “smell like a stinky boglim”. However, his ODD would kick in, and he would spend the next hour downing an entire bottle of vodka and getting totally fucked up. He would continue with sporadic tangents such as him “supporting the idea of killing sickos”(based) and mixing other drink combos such as Reign Energy with his vodka. By the time 5 PM had rolled around, Josh was basically incomprehensible. Finishing the splash of vodka remaining in the bottle, Josh would continue to spout bizarre non sequiturs until he abruptly ended the stream with his customary “catch you cool cobras later”.

Two days later, Josh would upload another video, downing a Bud Light on camera and getting mad that his dad refused to take him to Olive Garden, saying that he was “too drunk”. Josh would furiously respond by getting totally wasted and started ranting and raving, getting stuck in a thought loop over his dad refusing to celebrate Josh's special day. This litany would last for nearly an hour and a half, saying “he wasn't even that drunk” and he didn't “expect his family to worship the ground he walks on”. The next day, Josh would double down on his ruined birthday by going live and talking in a depressed manner, not even having the energy to get mad at the beer can he dropped. He would call it “the birthday nobody wants to celebrate” and would apologize for being born, saying his existence sucks. He would continue to turn his birthday party into a pity party, now extremely depressed over the whole affair. The thought loops would continue, as Josh would continue to talk sadly, listening to Ozzy and getting more wasted. The drunken rambling would continue until Josh ended his stream in a nonstop roll of mumbles.

Cobes would spend his 32nd birthday going live from his phone, reading troll donations as he often does. However, Josh would make a critical error: Placing his phone camera facing-up, he would place his computer screen in full view, inadvertently dox the names and addresses of every person who donated to him on stream in his attempts to charge his phone. For the next 2 hours, Cobes would stream with this setup, not knowing he was doxxing his donors while reading troll donations and shoutouts. It's quite possible Josh knew this and simply refused to change it, as he would flash the name and address of a troll donation. Eventually, Josh would point his camera at his face, and spend some time getting sunlight, showing off his Cradle of Filth T-shirt and signing off.

However, the birthday wasn't over yet: Josh would delete the stream shortly after, and then went live once more to say sorry to all the supporters he accidentally doxxed during the previous stream. He would then ruin this by making it about himself and trying to blame it on Duh Troles. His rant on his haters complete, he would give a shoutout to his supporters and continue with a personalized message to his Troles.

Josh's 33rd birthday is particularly infamous due in part to the appearance of Jessica, Josh's girlfriend and personal bog witch. Before his stream even started, we would get a now-deleted stream from Jessica wherein she would berate her audience, and start a screaming match with Josh over something he misheard. With a BPD meltdown taking place in Josh's apartment, and the Boy unable to placate the bog witch's wrath, both a noise complaint and a wellness check would be called in on the happy couple. This would be the straw that broke the camel's back: Josh would be served his eviction papers that very same day.

Proudly showing off his habanero peach mango mead(which is barely drinkable) and chew tobacco, Josh would start the stream in high spirits - Well off, an of age goth chick consensually in his lap, and the haters are suffering in their sad, miserable existences of lives. Josh would carry on by talking about how he'd never rat on his neighbors for any reason, nor call the cops on them. Josh's mood would suddenly plummet, and he would start alluding to a difficult situation he was “gonna get through”. He would continue to sample his mead and chew while alluding to the fact that he had been evicted. He would not openly admit to his eviction until a later date, however. While Jessica would show up on stream, it was clear that there was some serious tension between the two. Despite the attempt at high spirits throughout the stream, Josh would be visibly upset by the news of his eviction.