Table of Contents

The Low Volume Saga

The Low Volume Saga, also sometimes referred to as the Grease Saga, is the series of time where Josh fucked up a setting on his camera, causing his videos to be incredibly low volume and difficult to watch for a time. This would be a particularly difficult time to be a Cobra Fan, as Josh would be coming hot off the heels of his breakup with Stephanie. This saga would span from winter of 2014 to late 2015, and would feature numerous technological leaps and bounds, including even more streaming.

Characters Overview

Major Characters

Minor Characters

Set Up

With the departure of Stephanie and the closure Josh so needed, the need to carry on persisted. Josh would venture forwards towards his inevitable Boglim state.

Key Events

A new girlfriend

Josh would ring in the new year by announcing that he had a new girlfriend already. Her name was Judy, and she was a single mom who seldom would appear in Josh's videos - Clearly, Josh had learned from keeping Stephanie in frame and receiving judgment from his fans on how he treated his women. It is believed the two met through Matt, the same man who Stephanie cheated on Josh with. This relationship would not last long, as Josh would express disinterest in raising another man's children, breaking up after roughly a week. In a rare moment of rational thinking, Josh would say that he couldn't financially support three children with his SSI and Wendy's paycheck.

The love quest continues

Josh would open an account on HornyAffairs(a scam dating site) to little success. A few days into this, Josh would consider paying for premium access, valued at $100 for six months. Additionally during his travels to the Sand Bar around this time, Josh would claim to stop a bar fight after he pulled a knife on a man spilling his beer. Josh would continue lamenting his single status, signing up on OKCupid, where Josh would claim to get into contact with a goth chick who was into Cradle of Filth, who lived in Casper, Wyoming! If this sounds extremely unlikely, that's because it is. Josh got catfished, despite his vigilance on trolls. A secondary catfish by the name of Bleak Rainbow would also slide into Josh's DMs, causing him much distress, unable to determine if this was a real person. Despite numerous videos trying to convince Josh she was real, Josh would back out, paranoid of The Troles.

Ami

In late February, Josh would pick up another new girlfriend, this time called Ami. Meeting her through Judy, Ami was also a single mother like Judy, but came with the added bonus of having no teeth. Their relationship would be even shorter than Josh and Judy's, and Ami would only appear in one video, the audio within corrupted, before they broke up, Josh citing Ami's high number of male friends, and once again, the single mom problem. Josh would admit to being glad she was gone. In his usual manner of tact, Josh agreed with Ami that she should take her own life, texting her mid-video.
Josh would delete his HornyAffairs account the very next day.

A failed date

Josh would make a video where within, he would make a spurious claim that he had A) gone on another date with a woman and B) had been unable to have sex with her due to his dick being too large for the woman. Other claims would include him spilling his drink on the lady's skirt(which is slightly more believable than Josh actually managing to wrangle a date out of a lady), and that on her way out the unlucky woman told Josh “If you made more money and your dick was smaller, I'd consider going out with you.”

Inspecting apartments and females

During a bi-yearly inspection of the apartments, Josh's landlord would find cigarette burns in the carpet of the apartment, and told the Boy that if he was to continue, he would be forced to smoke outside - A fate worse than death. Josh would address these claims in a video, seemingly while 4 cigarettes deep, the smoke in the room thick enough to reduce the bitrate.

During this time, Josh would set his crosshairs on a woman working in the Casper Mall by the name of Felicia, although it's difficult to discern if this was actually her name - this would not be the first time Josh would use Felicia in conjecture with a girl he liked - buying the iconic weed piercings from her and forcibly driving them into his ear lobe. Never missing an opportunity, Josh would shill his music to her as well, and backed off after realizing the girl in question was spoken for.

"Performed an exorcism yesterday"

You read that right, Josh performed an exorcism. As he had remained friends with Judy, Josh would be asked to perform an exorcism, as Judy would claim that there was “an entity” in her apartment. Josh would roll up to the apartment, wand in hand, and he would feel energy come from a particular space in the apartment, whereupon he would corner the demon: Similar to a demonic entity he observed during his time at the job corps, a tall, long-cloaked, hooded figure with no face. Commanding the demon to leave Judy and her kids alone, Josh would then have to re-exorcise it, as the spirit had inhabited the car Josh had arrived in. Josh would stay the night, but get little sleep. Not because of Judy. Because of Judy's children.

The sixth album and Sand Bar Shenanigans

On May 12, 2015, Josh would release Cemetery Gates, his sixth album, onto iTunes. The same day, he would make a visit to the eye doctor, only to discover he had cataracts. Additionally during this time, Josh would break his glasses, resulting in him taping the two halves back together like his favorite childhood novel protagonist, Harry Potter. A few days later, Josh would also get in trouble once more at The Sand Bar, after a manager asked him to “Quit the demon talk” after having one too many drinks again. Josh would recount other tales of his jaunts to the Sand Bar, including a few barfights he claims to have stopped by taking his knife out and licking the blade.

Judy Returns

Judy would return to the Cobraverse in a video titled “good times and drinks all around” with her new boyfriend, Robert “Shorty the Red Dwarf” Decker, wherein she would make many racist remarks. Various quality lines would include “I always put up with this [take a guess]” in reference to Josh, “bitch, don't make me come over there and bitchslap yo' ass, [Guess again]”, and several racist jokes. Judy would also drunkenly flash her boobs at the camera during this video.

Psychotic activities

After a year of having his shotgun, Josh would finally get the opportunity to shoot it on June 29th, 2015 in the video “shooting the very first two shells out of my side by side” where Josh would open fire at nothing with his homie Michael Baldwin, AKA Darflinny B.
Additionally during this time, Josh would talk about “Elliot Rodgers”, possibly meaning attempted incel mass shooter Elliot Rodger, saying that society put pressure on the narcissistic psychopath for not having a girlfriend. He would also disclose how he had killed a baby bird because he couldn't find its nest, saying that he did “the humane thing” by “putting it out of its misery”, squishing it under his bike tire. Josh would double down on this action by saying that it would get run over anyways.

The quality gets worse

Sometime around August, the video camera Josh used would begin to degrade in quality. Having an issue with authority, Josh would refuse to change this for several months, making it even more difficult to be a Cobra fan. To make up for this dip in quality, however, YouTube would be treated to a video of him at The Sand Bar, wherein Josh would be very obnoxious, singing and dancing for the camera, and spilling his fourth beer on himself.
In September, Josh would allow Judy and her family to move in with him for the time being, and would introduce a new player into the Cobraverse, William "Homeboy Scotty" Hackman. This would end the Low Volume Saga and begin the Bailey and Izzy Saga.

Significance

Perhaps the most important takeaway from this saga is Josh's ability to get women, although it's clear none quite filled the void that Stephanie left behind. Josh would continue to look for The One regardless of this, and this would be the beginning of Cobes' first multi-year dry spell.

Trivia

The KingCobraJFS Story

2024/06/08 00:52 · kiwi