Original Video: Shon and Saunders

What's up you crazy cool cobras? How y'all doing this fine afternoon evening? Is it night time already? Yeah it's night time already. Holy shit! Time flies! Yes it do. Yes it do. So me and the dummy Sean are here. Sean the Dunny who you calling a Dunny you dummy? Uh… Sean, the Dunny, who you calling a Dunny, you Dunny? Sir, the correct, turn the knowledge is the Chilla Quest Huttet. I find the word Dunny to the offensive. You find the word dummy to be offensive? Yeah. Yeah. Don't tell me one of those SJW's out there. You find the word dummy to be offensive? Yeah! Yeah. Don't tell me you're one of those SJW's out there. Oh, you know it. Yeah. So you don't like being called a dummy? No. I'm a ventriloquist? Puffet. You have a ventriloquist puppet. Okay, my apologies. Take some of your ass burgers. Whoa, what's up with you tonight? Nothing. I'm just… Yeah. This quarantine sucks. Yeah. I wanna go to the God damn bar again. You wanna go to the God damn bar again? Yeah. Hit on some chicks. So you wanna go to the bar and hit on some chicks? Yeah, you know. What's ya? So how lucky are you in the ladies department, Sean? Oh, I don't know ladies then. You're a ladies man yeah I got some of that soap that you wear oh you bought some of the soap that I you bought some of the soap that I wear yeah tactical soap yeah tactical soap yeah buddy that's what's up Sean yeah so you want to go to the bar and pick up chicks is that you're saying yeah That's what's up Sean. Hell yeah! So you… So you… you want to go to the bar and pick up chicks? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, buddy. Huh. Well, do you have any pickup lines? I got a couple. Excuse me. Nice smokers come off. Shut up, Piperk, right? Uh… So do you have any pickup lines for getting the lady's attention? Sure do. But what are your pickup lines? Hey, Dady! I'm a Ventura Kustani. One of dunny on a pole-on-eye string. Wow. That's just obnoxious do you have any other pickup lines? Yes I do. What is it? Hey David I work at a funeral home, wanna see nice stiff one? Ha ha ha! It's in my pants! Ahh… That's just raunchy dude. I know! Please don't be impossible right now. Like, I don't need your shenanigans tonight. I'm not being impossible. You're not being impossible? No, no. Just sitting here. You're just sitting here. I'm just sitting here. Okay.. sitting here, okay. At least change the voice of the letter, they god damn! Oh, I got a joke, Sean. Now, you got to joke this out of the funny. What's with the sarcasm? You're jokes, suck. I do like to make people laugh sometimes. I got a joke Sean. What's your joke? Ah, Mr. Fine Man. Mr. Juan people laugh. I do like to make people laugh sometimes. Yeah, they're all laughing at your ugly ass face. Call me ugly Sean. look who's talking. Please. Tell a joke already, asshole. Okay, calm down. Speaking of the shit, I'm brewing some up right now. What? Oh my god, Sean, why? I swear I'm not, ha! Ah. I swear to… No, no, Sean, we're not gonna do the farting on my lap, B.S. We're just not gonna do the farting on my lap BS, which is not gonna know. Oops. Dude. Can I do my joke, please? No. I'm gonna do it anyway, so you can't fucking talk. So here's my joke. The guitar goes into the bar. The guitar goes into the bar to order some drinks. And the bartender looks, the bartender looks at the guitar and says, says to the guitar, how are you going to pay for these drinks. The guitar replies, put it on my tab. I don't get it. What? Put it on my tab. I don't get it. What? Put it on my tab? Get it, guitar tabs? Guitar tablet shirt, bar tab? Uhhhhh. No. Just no. Yeah, if the coronavirus doesn't take you out, can I? Oh my god, Sean. Wow. I got a joke. You got a joke? Yeah. What the fuck you staring at? Oh sorry, this is wand I made. I'm watching it dry. It looks pretty. Well, can I do a joke? You got a joke? Yeah. Okay. Here's my joke. Why is Casper the friendly ghost sad? I don't know, why is Casper the friendly ghost sad? His girlfriend ghosted him, get it? Ah, his girlfriend ghosted him, that's, um… No. What? It's funnier than your joke, no… Oh, his girlfriend ghosted him. That's um… No. Why? It's funnier than your joke. No, it wasn't Sean. Well, screw you! Anyways, YouTube, if you like the ventrila's quiz, um, you like me, then subscribe for more. Yeah, pretty much. You get the gist of it. Yeah. Yeah……………………………. Okay, it's still going excellent. A Goths in Triliquist. There's something you don't see every day. Yeah. People are wondering how the hell I made Sean while I took and I I took a Charlie McCarthy ventriloquist puppets and I painted the eyes green and then made it look like he's wearing goth makeup or just kind of creepy looking like, you know. shelf and people just look at them like oh you got one of those things can you actually make them talk yeah that you're lousy at it I'm not that bad of adventure a quest uh-huh you're talking out your ass do you have to be impossible do you really yes I do have to the impossible no you don't yes I do no you don't yes I do yes I do yes I do no yes I do no yes no yes I can argue with you all day no you cannot argue with me with me all day I can argue with you all day no you cannot argue with you all day. No, you cannot argue with me all day. Yes, I can. Oh my God, this fuck. I find it very hard to believe that you're a lady's man. Why, you don't believe me? No, I don't believe you're a lady's man. For as obnoxious as you are. I'm only obnoxious to you Joshie oh my fucking god Sean jeez only deliberately obnoxious when you're on YouTube doing a ventriloquist skate with me? Yes, precisely. The Sean Nister is a ladies man. The Sean Mister? Wow. What? Nothing Sean? No comment. Good, because we don't need to comment from the God-dant peanut gallery. We don't need a comment from the peanut gallery, yeah. Some of us might have allergies, you know. Are you allergic to peanuts? No, but I'm just saying… Oh God, the setup for that was horrible. What? You know what? The setup for that joke that you just did. Uh… You need to work on your ventrula cortisone just a little bit. Why do you say that? Because it sounds like I got a stitch in the tie-down ends. Yeah. Oh I wish you'd do what? Next time you go to the bar you should use me to pick up chicks. No I'm not gonna do that. Oh come on! That shit would be hilarious! Sean I'm not going to bring you to the bar to pick up chicks. Oh come on! That shit would be hilarious. They can't get in there to you. You're autistic and you gotta pup it. What the fuck they gotta say? Oh my gosh, Sean, don't be like that. Ah! Yeah, I've never understood that. Like if a comedian says offensive jokes, people just will either laugh at it or be like, oh, that's not funny or, you know. But if the puppet says it, it's like, I don't know, it's weird. It is weird. Like, if the puppet says it, people aren't as offended I guess. I guess it depends on the context. Yeah it does depend on the context. I sure do. Fix my string. S'hole. Sorry. And one of these days I'm going to send my dummy Sean into, over to throw things. And one of these days I'm going to send my dummy Sean into over to throw things.com and then have them upgrade him to a You can, you know, turn and tilt and nod and all that sort of, you know. That's gonna cost a wee bit of money, so I'm not worried about that at the moment. Old school? Oh, I pulled the string too tight. No shit you did. Gosh, God damn it. Now believe me, you two, when you get the string position, just try, it's like magic. there you go. Just like magic. It's magic, you know. Never mean, that's not so. It's magic, you know. Sean, please don't sing. Why? I sound just like the artist. No, you don't sing. Why? I sound just like the artist. No, you don't. I'm a great singer. You're not a great singer. Yes, I am. Okay, seeing some Michael Jackson. I'll try. Ahem. Oh, oh, come on. Okay, how about Somebody the Loves by Freddie Mercury in the band Queen? Oh! Oh, so not… Oh, so not! Oh, so not! Did you look? No. That was horrible. That was good. No, it wasn't. Yes, it was. How about the Beatles? Mother Mary comes to me speaking with lots of wisdom, let it be. And in the hour of darkness, she is standing, running for me. No. Yes. No. Hey, Sean, what? Do you, uh, do you do cartoon voices? I can kind of do cartoon voices. How about Shaggy from Scooby-Doo? Like Zowing Scoop! I can kind of do cartoon voices. How about Shaggy from Scooby-Doo? Like Zowing Scoop? Ha ha ha ha! Well we're going to move, Raggy. We're going to go get a thesis, Scoop! Yeah! Oh come on, that was dead on. No. How about Marvin the Martian well from Loneytown's yeah where's the cajoon they were supposed to the adverse shower and cajoon eh what do you mean eh that was dead on too hmm well how about SpongeBob Square Passer but you can't do his voice. Yes, I can. No! Oh! Oh! Oh come on, that was tremendous! No. Yeah, that was just frick and sweet. Wow. Oh come on, you know you like the voices. I can do all kinds of impressions. Yeah I bet you can. You know! Why are we sitting here? Doing voices! on YouTube of all things. Was that supposed to be? Is Christopher fucking walking? It's more like this. Okay, yeah, there you go. Kind of that… Yeah, you know, uh, you know, uh, you're so as sedest as alone. Yeah, I could have been a contender. That was a little off, hmm, a little bit. Do you do any other impressions? Wow! You know, I had to go to NATO. Get down, get to the chopper, no! Really chopper happens to one in the background, which you can't see because the lights turned off. Hello, darkness, my old friend. I come to talk with you again. Because the vision sounds leacry thing. Left it seems all I was something And the vision that was planted in my green. Stilly names. Let's hear you sing Dust in the Wind by Kansas. I close my eyes. Only through a million and the moment is gone. And Dust in the wind. Oh. Oh, come on, that was really good. I closed my eyes. Oh come that was dead on it no. Oh come on you suck. Gee-goo-goo-goo, gee-goo, gee-goo, gee-goo, gee-goo, gee-nprations are just terrible. Hey, Teter, it's Joe Swanson, and uh… All right, all right, all right, Sean, like you guys, I only have one thing to say, what? Okay, just shut the hell up with the family guy impressions. No one thinks you're funny. Oh, and people think you're funny? You're obnoxious and shit. You're obnoxious. I know………. Do you do any other impressions by chance? Yeah, I can do yoga there. You can do yoga bear's voice. Hey yo, do you, Lou? How's out there? I'll take Nick Dasket. Mmm, then you'll gain the Ranger. And school the Ranger do you? I wanna go do technique that skit! What? I say, I say that was, that was a very accurate impression. I say, I'll say Faucom and Lincoln. Ah. Sylvester's voice from Sylvester and Tweety without doing the, uh… Fuffin' out. I'm fucking fash. That's kind of hard to do without losing your lips. I know. Like, what is that? It's extremely hard to do without does the noise. Oh, jeez, what? Why are you spitting on me? Sorry, Sean. Fucking gross. Oh, you want to call me fucking gross, but you're sitting here farting on my lap. You, sir, are a stinking hypocrite. Don't I know it? Haha! Hey Sean do you have any other jokes by chance? Besides your face? I'm serious. So am I. You're a little asshole you know that? No. That was a little asshole. Haha! Little asshole gas. You're trying not to laugh. You are trying so god damn hard not to laugh. You know what's funny as shit you can't deny it? Nah. There are going to be so many haters out there like it's just one long fart joke. No. You're disgusting, you got to rip ass. Because it's funny and it gets a reaction for you! Ha ha ha! Ugh. You can see your lips move, too. Your lips, you're litz. Gotta work on the peas a little bit. Yeah. to your lits. I got to work on the teeth a little bit. I know. I found out the other day that women can be ventriloquist puppets too. Wait what? You found out the other day women can be ventriloquist puppets too? What do you mean? Well, one of them had a string sticking out. And when I pulled it, she started talking. Oh my God, Sean Sean that's horrible. Aha! Ugh! You are such an asshole? I know! You know, Sean, women's periods are not funny. I just got that. Wow, you're slow. Okay, I'm not slow, I'm autistic. What's the difference? Oh my god. You are such an asshole. I know! Ugh. You can write a script? Well, I usually don't write a script. Like, can I just on the spot, like, oh, this will be funny, right? This is hilarious, not! This on the spot shit sucks! Hey, yeah, so, keep your lips still! Ah, yeah, I know. I know, I know from Cholequers and how it works, you're supposed to talk without moving your lips. Well no duh. Watch, I can do it too. Hey, how's it going? Yeah, that's pretty good, Sean. I didn't see your lips move. Yeah. I'm better at than you are. Geez, who's pulling your string? Ha ha! See what I did there? I called you a dummy and said, you're don't be like that. I'm just going to sit here and belittle me on camera. You can go back up on the shelf. Oh, really? Come on, get back to the jokes, huh? I want to hear a Polak joke? No, no Polak jokes. Oh, come on, just one. Don't be rude about it. Okay, okay, okay…, to get himself in the car. How long does it take him out? To get out of the car. Oh, Pollock locks himself in the car. How long is it taking to get out of the car? I don't know. One hour? One hour? The keys are on the inside. Oh my God. Wow, that was that was dumb. Oh, come on. That was hilarious. No, you said to be nice about it. What? I should not have asked. I should not have asked. I really just should not have asked. Ah. What's the difference between a Muslim and a Mormon? Oh no, we're not doing that. That's just… not much. They both treat women like shit. Stop! With that Sean Sean, stop. You're gonna get us in trouble, Sean, what? Do you have to be a method to be a Methodist? Shut up Sean. Ha ha! No, you don't have to be a methodist. Fucking smart ass. Ha ha ha! Oh. Oh. What kind of drugs he was on? He's like, I'm the son of God. Like, yeah, sure you are, buddy. Sure you are. Don't be an ass, what? Passover, I'm all like, hangover, am I right? His blood turned to wine. Sounds like Jesus has a drinking problem, shut up, Sean. Come on, that's funny, but don't be like that. Oh no, come on, that's funny but don't be like that. What? You know what? That's funny but behave yourself, what? I can make Christian girls pray, you can make Christian girls pray? Yeah, sure can. When they're of age and I'm fucking them in the church, they're just like, oh God, oh God, stop. What? Don't be obnoxious. What? Sean, do you do any more impressions? Oh, go, go, go, go, wow, you're creating these thinheads all over. I either say you learn that. Do, do, do. That pop-eye impression sucks. You do a pop-eye impression, then, asshole. Oh, go, go, oh, you on, you cream me spinach, I'll have, whoa, whoa, don't pff me, bleed this asshole. I need a glass of water unless you down will grab a cup, get some water. Okay. Better will quench for your thirst, eh? Yeah, I do. I have to quench my thirst. Well then. You can just sit right down here. Well I go grab my water and you can just fucking behave yourself. You can eat my ass! I'm not eating… Shut up Sean! Oh, so I'll pull the string here. And there we go. Holy crap, Sean, you're just, you're in a really obnoxious mood tonight. I know, right? We talk a lot of water. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. Well shit! I gotta stay hydrated. That you do. Yeah. Wait a minute! What? I thought you hated those things. What, vapor is there? It's all right. So I was good at the cigarettes and the real tobacco. Oh no shit, but… Plus, it's got CBD oil in it, and… Yeah, a little bit of the space jam. 3% nicotine You're such a millennial Wow dude, come on! What? Blot that shit in my face? I wasn't blowing it in your face. Whatever. What's it right in your face? Like what the fuck? Well I can see how that would get annoying, like someone just sitting next to you like… And then just blows it in your face? Yeah, what the fuck is that shit? I don't know what else man because you just yeah So do you got any more jokes there Sean? Yeah I do. Why did the zombie go to the asylum? Hmm. I don't know Sean, why did the zombie go to the asylum? He was a real casket case. Get it? Ah! Ah! Wow. Just wow. Just wow. Just wow………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. That was just, wow. You told that joke before, I know, thanks for watching the ventriloquist skits, you know. Do you have any more jokes, Sean? Are you just gonna sit on my on my leg and rip ass? That's funny. You're fucking up at this. Shut up. You know what I meant? Uh-uh. Maybe. Could you stop with the farting? No. Ain't that a stinker. I want to check your pants and think you might have shit your branches. You shit your britches! So you found out a woman was a ventriloquist puppet? Yeah, I pulled her string and she said, what the fuck asshole? Ah. Oh, wow. Just, wow. Just, wow, dude. What? You know that shit was funny? No, it wasn't. Yes, it was. You know that shit was funny?. No, it wasn't. Yes it was? No, it was it. You're yawning. I'm sorry, do I bore you? No, it's just later in the evening, I'm getting tired. Oh, poor Joshi! Shut the fuck up, Sean. Geez! What the fuck was that? You're impossible to deal with sometimes. I know! Fart one more time! And I will put you back up on the shelf. Is that a promise? Try me asshole. Come on. Llaners,…… Fine. Fuck you then. What is with Sean Deny? I tell ya, he's just… Ooh. Well, anyways, you two…… cool cobras on the flip side.