Original Video: breakfast calzone

What's cracking YouTube? It's a cool early Saturday morning. Got the weekend munchies going on I bet. Well, let's see if I can oblige with that. Because we need a pizza stone. What are we doing with that? You'll see and get this so ready so we can fold and make some awesomeness. We're going to make a breakfast calzone. Okay, and if you don't want to take 43 plus minutes to make your own crust from scratch, great value or a Pillsbury pizzaust, don't matter. I might need to get a knife to open this. And before we get to our pre-cooked, we're going to have to open our pizza crust and stretch it out onto our pan. This would be a great calzone to fill you up quick or to split with somebody it don't matter. Cooking with the Cobra man, what's up? Cooking with Cobra, all right, you got the weekend lunches going on, I bet you do. Thinking to yourself. You can't lunch is going on, I bet you do. Thinking to yourself. I wanna show you how easy it is to make. And the chorus getting your pizza crust out of the can is always the fun part. Basterdizing fuck, alright. Chef Pottymouth over here, okay, these cans of pre-made shit and you're like, hey, that stuff can make awesome stuff, you know, but it's always a bitch and a half to get undone. What the fuck is that? I don't edit my videos. I don't. Because that's not real. This is real life. Sitting here, fucking with the God-dam can tell it was up. There we go All right Now I'll take our pre-made dough and we're going to on roll it We're going to stretch it out onto our lovely pizza stone. That little piece that tried to escape from that hole when I poked a hole in it. Put it back on the dough. It's kind of squitching out. All right, cool. Now I'll add just a little bit of seasoning. Just a little bit. Slop your mama, Russ County. Go a little bit heavier on the meat seasoning just because there's going to be some meat in this breakfast calzone, right? Gotta get your protein fixed for the day. If you've got time to make something like this, I think I would definitely recommend it. So go with our four trustee seasonings, use whatever seasoning you like. The best combination of seasoning. Oh, beautiful. Just beautiful. Okay, so now we got this ready for what we need it for. So, let's leave that aside for a second. Now we need to make some eggs for our calzone, or a egg, I should say. I should put two eggs, let's put two eggs in there. All right, check, look at this., we got the baking grease. From the last time we cooked baking and burgers, we're gonna use that grease to cook our eggs. Yeah let's get a little bit it's just a little bit of Tony's for the eggs we don't eat a whole lot. Just a little sprinkle we'll do. And let's get some eggs going. First things first we got to turn on that stove get it all warmed up. We'll get through it. Oh yeah. And we're going to throw just a little bit of that country crock original into the pan. That way the eggs don't stick. You already know how it's going to go down. Cooking up some bacon, cooking up some eggs, cooking up some beef. Once you get all that cooked up, we're going to plate it. Our cook, pre-cooked ingredients are going to go on the plates. This will allow us to assemble the breakfast calzone, so to speak. So make it easier. Yeah. Now, um, cooking eggs can be a bitch and a half, but, um, I'm thinking, uh, over easy, you know, when you make it sunny side, and then you flip it, and then you cook it on the other side yeah so I want to grab two eggs so then on the countertop for ready to crack them and drop and. We got cage free 18 large cage free YouTube because I'm an animal lover, to be honest. We got our two eggs. The celloas you could do these don't matter. You know, I don't even have a fork washed. So, just grab a small chunk with my hand, fuck it. Throw it in there. Yeah. I turn the stove on to eight just to little bit, go and turn it down to a six. Now what I'm doing is I'm taking that melted butter and just kind of spreading it all over the pan. Let's look give us a nice delicious greasy surface to work with. Sweetness. Look at it. Now if you're not getting hungry now you're about to be getting hungry because we're making dankness. All right. I haven't made eggs in a while but so we'll give it the old college try. Two of them going here. It's natural there are a couple chunks of shells in there every now and then. Great. The yoke broke on that second one, but that's alright. You did that… Too tight, tiny, tiny, tiny, chunks, that too tight, tiny tiny chunks of shell but not too much. That didn't turn out that bad. It's gonna be one giant any way so it really doesn't matter that much. So the yoke breaks on that second one it's fine I don't care. This is my gun a little bit of that. Tony's right there. The fuck is not getting off the door. Yeah, you're gonna make a mess when you cook, it's just a guarantee. Let me take you on that trip down to the egg store. Look at that. Bubble and bubble away in that buttery goodness. And I've taken it and… As the yoke starts to form that sunnyside look, I'm going to take it and kind of scooch it ever so gently into that buttery goodness. It's spread whatever you want to call it. And the important thing is you get that right there to stay in the center or it's all bubbling, you know, and that butter and stuff. Kind of tilt the butter around just a little bit. Now you can add salt and pepper or whatever seasoning, but you know a splash of tonies is just fine for me. These aren't having a lot of that seasoning mixture on the crust, on the inside, so… Yep., I might go to make this in time. on the inside so yeah now I might go to make this entire thing somewhat over easy no guaranteed on that now they got the egg and cooking in that baking grease with the buttery goodness and the hamburger grease I'm gonna cook our bacon in this dude so like we're further infusing in the hamperger. I want to cook our bacon in this dude. So like we're further infusing the bacon with a hint of the egg flavor. So you want to cook the eggs first? Huh? Now this would be a great way to start off your day. You make one of these for breakfast, dude. Eat it. You're going to be full for the… at least until lunch. I got on a nice and low heats, because we don't want to burn the butter. We definitely don't want to burn our eggs if we can help it. Don't take a spatcher around and kind of break these in half a little bit. There we go. See, that's what I like, to break them in half and make it easier to flip. And these are just about ready to flip. I mean the yoke kind of broke on this one and scrambled into this one a little bit. But that's all right. Oh, do not count your chickens before they hatch, YouTube. Oh, do not cut your chickens before they hatch, YouTube. Excuse me, I farted. Smells like Aspergers. Okay, back to the eggs. I'll kick it up a notch with it. Whip it. I want to cook the yolk side and that buttery goodness just like that. I got the stove on a sixth so it's nice and hot but not hot enough for it's going to scorch your eggs. And go ahead and just roll that butter around in the pan just like that. Get those yolks nice and solid with that buttery goodness. Now look at that, the eggs are poached, look at that, give it a flip, oh that is beautiful. Both sides, look at that, nicely done, buttery goodness right there YouTube. All right so, let those sits for just a little bit longer in that butter and then we're going to plate them up. If you're a baking going, that's how you cook poached eggs. I mean if you want to like over easy, you know, flip it, whatever, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, dude. Make up sunny side, let it cook for a bit, flip it, there you go, as simple as that. I'm going to bring the plate over here so I don't get grease all over the place. Eggs are delicious and they're a great source of protein. Now look at all this, you've still got a lot of grease in this pan. It's now been infused with the taste of those eggs. Oh man, okay, these eggs just look and smell good enough to eat already, but we're not done just yet folks. No, we are not. Take a moment to get some of this grease off the stove. There we go, beautiful. We need some bacon. Eggs and bacon. Great way to start off your day, right? So I'll take two pieces, we're going to tear that bacon in half and make four pieces, god damn it. Piece of that raw bacon went off into my stove here. Pieces shank out of there. A piece that survived, go ahead and just drop it. Yeah, now get out of there. No. No. You? No.. Stay out of there. All right. The pieces that survived, go ahead and just drop those in that greasy pan of goodness all right so I'll wash my hands real quick. During my hands real quick. Now I'm not going to go too crazy on the seasoning this time around. Just grabs some of our trusty Rust County or Rust Payne County right there show that logo. Payne County rust all meets seasoning. Not a sponsor. Payne County right there, show that logo. Paine County rust all meat seasoning, not a sponsor. And we're just going to sprinkle it under our bacon. We're the same for the beef paddy. We don't need too much seasoning. It's already going to be in that crust with that sauce. Yeah. I think all that buttery greasy giggle is really… Let's give that a grip. And see right now it's still kind of pink. It's not even close to being done. But you see it's starting to get a little bit of strength. You're going to flip it it sizzles and it pops all right so let's flip that thick cut bacon, black label by Hornell. They make some pretty good bacon, you know. They're cheap, and it tastes good. Nothing like that. So we're gonna make a breakfast kettle zone with this here, bacon and the egg. Don't let the pepperoni some beefs and cheese, you know, I made some potatoes, there you go. got an attitude because of how good it is. Mine will take you along for the ride man. Get a flip. Ain't number trip, give it a flip. Boom. Oh, flip. Actually………. All right there. You see me cook bacon and that's kind of, you know, you know, the score YouTube. Look at that, look at it sizzle on the pan. Now that buttery, greasy, unhealthy, unhealthy goodness. Look at it. Four delicious pieces. Sizzle on the way. A cool summer evening. Soaps and greasy, delicious, buttery goodness. but not too much longer on both sides if you want it to be cooked. This is this side, what no pink, none. You see how it's starting to get white and brown. That's how you know your baking is starting to cook. All right, how do you cook baking? Not long, it's nice. You got sides a little pink still. So yeah… I guarantee you make one of these calzones YouTubes YouTube. You're starting to flip bacon with one hand so this the day off of the hearty breakfast and you're going to be packed with protein, right? Yeah, get a load of that you too. Isn't that pretty? Sizzle, sizzle, fizzle. Tip that grease that way a little bit. Yeah, there we go. Spread that buttery love all over that delicious bacon. I'll tip that grease that way a little bit. Yeah, there we go. Spread that buttery love all over that delicious bacon. Now that rant I made earlier wasn't exactly what she'd called kid-friendly, but… It was on point. what you'd call kid-friendly but it was on point. Some of the crap that's in our society, it just gets to me sometimes, you know, like, are people really this, no, not gonna get into it, cooking video? Yeah. Oh, and while that bacon cooks up, let's just take a gander and see something real quick, huh? Let's take a gander and see, shall we? Uh, do you try? Look at that, the rant video has made it to the desktop. Most excellent! Desktop most excellent So let's open up chrome and let's go to YouTube and let's upload it while the we do in the cooking video. Okay upload Bacon. Back to the bacon. It'll cook up a bit more as you, baking in the oven with your palzone. But you definitely want to make sure it's cooked all the way through the zone. But you definitely want to make sure that it's cooked all the way through. See at this stage I would consider this to be done because look at that. Give it a flip. Right there. At this point, this bacon is done. I want to give it just a little bit longer on the other side, but not too much longer. I got the grease from the bacon, the flavor from the egg, cooking up in there a real nice like… Oh look at that delicious delicious baking. We're going to add to our account zone and transfer plates. Now we have a plate full of eggs and bacon. Look at that, you know, that grease from the pan just kind of drizzle it on the egg. Wow. I've got a little grease right there. That's not but a thing. Grab a rag and oop. Easy to clean the grease off your stove when it's nice and hot. Beautiful. And now we need some more meat for our calzone. So what we're going to do is grab a beef paddy. Now you can use sausage beef whatever, it don't matter, I don't have any sausage on hand so I'll just use a beef paddy and we're going to get our season game on. All right, let's add, you know what, we're just going to add some of that meat seasoning to it. Because I've already got the four combination on the crust, that'll be enough., I want to over-seasoning to it because it's already got the four combination on the crust. That will be enough. You don't want to over-season it. So back to our pain county rust meat seasoning, we're going to season up both sides of this patio. Long side, I don't want that much, there we go. Give that a sprinkle. We're done with the seasoning. You don't need a whole lot of it obviously. We've got that combination on there already on the crust. Okay, so now I got our seasoning. Our plate of pre-cooked is almost done. Here's that burger that's sizzling away in that greasy, greasy goodness. All the plainer will be, uh, egg and bacon. It's not soaking into that beef. Look at that swizzle baby. I want to cook this paddy medium rare because by the time I bake it in the Calzone it will be nice and cook. How long is this cooking video? Oh damn. Only 28 minutes. It's not bad. Shugging right along then. Give it a flip and when we flip it, be careful we don't want grease everywhere, it's just kind of… Ah, I think it, yeah, there we go. We're down on my hand and there's anything, but that's all right. We'll give that a wipe. So all that buttery greasy goodness right there you too drops to give it some extra oof on that flavor. But right now we gotta get our pre-cooked ingredients done. If you want a hearty breakfast packed with proteins, this is the way to do it. Just a smell coming off in the air right now is… Oh, dude. I'm making my mouth water. A little bit longer with that beef paddy. There's too much longer. There we go. Yeah, that burger pan is done inside. I'm just going to scoot you over to our plate of re-ingredient again. All right, now while that pan is still nice and warm, we'll take our rag and we're in a white degrees up the stove that we're dripping there. There we go, beautiful. Um, turn the camera this way. Now look at that, I got the eggs, the baking, and the beef. Our calisone's coming together quite nicely if I do say so myself. Okay. Take the stove, the pan off the stove, and take my spatula and just grab some of that grease and just drip it onto the dough. I'll splash a little bit of that grease under our pizza dough. All the grease from that delicious cooking that we were just doing earlier, we're going to splatter it onto the seasoning. Oh beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Okay, so now we don't need the pan for anything at this point. So I'm going to strip all the excess into the middle for cooking later. So I'll strip all the excess into the middle for cooking later. There's still a little bit of grease to cook with. Beautiful. Go ahead and turn that off. All right, so… We have our pre-cooked done. Now we're going to assemble this breakfast cows on, but so far, here's where we got with our pizza crust all that grease just splattered on there with that seasoning Look out So pizza pockets basically calzone whatever you want to call it any sauce and cheese in ingredients So now I got our tomato, basil, garlic, the same sauce we've seen it before. In the last cooking video, an inmate with a grilled cheese sandwich, that was nuts. All right, so just a little bit of sauce in the middle. Gage out where you're going to fold it, you know. Beautiful. I take the sauce around a little bit of do you? I'm going to take the sauce. I'm going to take the stone, just kind of shake the sauce around a little bit. I could use a knife for a fork. I'll just jiggle that sauce around a little bit. I could use a knife for a fork. Just jiggle that sauce around a little bit. I could use a knife for a fork. I'll just jiggle that sauce around a little bit. There we go. Now there we got our sauce on there just like now. Let's start adding our ingredients. And add some cheese. making that life better. I'll put two slices down on top of that pizza sauce. Bogh. Oh, I'll do the four slices, because we really want that cheese to stand out, because we got eggs that are putting on it, too. So you don't Now we got the Moncerella. Like a sweet cheesy Cinderella story. It turned out so right for a snack tonight. Now we're going to add a sprinkle of Moncerella. Can we get the bag open? There we go. Making a breakfast calzone. I'm trying to fold the crust on top of all cheddar cheese we're going to sprinkle some mozzarella. Shredded mozzarella like just like any old good pizza would have right? You know the drill. All right spread that around just a little bit You can't really see the sugar cheese through all that mozzarella, but that's all right We got more ingredients to pile on so we don't need that much cheese, but just enough Give it some whole Maybe all drops two of these on here and go like that. give it some pull. Maybe all drops two of these on here and go like that. Drop two of these cheese sticks on top of that mozzarella. There'll be enough cheese. Then we can start adding our meats. Craft singles baby. Hmm. And that in our last recipe. I was sitting here. This will be enough cheese, yes please, for this calzone. Yes, please for this calzone. And we won't leave enough room to fold it Otherwise, it's not fun to open. Right? Like come on that down below. You know what I'm talking about? You try to open the string cheese packets and I just like you're sitting there. You do do do do do do do do do do. Okay hold up. There we go. There we go. Got the right tools for the job. Sometimes those packets don't want to come open. Anyways, there we go. Get it up. Mmm, it's good stuff man. We want to tuck it in. Oh look at that. Beautiful. Now there we got our cheese layer situated take a look at all that delicious cheese now now she got a nice perimeter around we're going to take the crust and we're going to fold it over this way and try to make a giant-ass hot pocket with it so Oh phone dropped there we go all right cool now I need some pepperoni And my favorite part of the pizza the meats want to start off with pepperoni and then we'll add the egg, the bacon, the beef. So I go too crazy with the pepperoni you know what I'm saying because there's going to be a lot of other stuff going in here but… We'll throw a nice little amount on there for the camera's sake. There we go. That's plenty of pepper loin. Now we're gonna… before we add that… before we add the rest of the meats… It's our friend. Friends over at Friedo Lake. With their delicious nacho cheese doritos. So we're gonna throw a couple on there. On top of the pepperoni. a little crunch to munch. There we go. We'll something look forward to in the middle, yeah. Very lightly crunch these Doritos down. There we go. Let's get with some room. Now let's add our egg. Now our our egg that we poached and made earlier. Drop it on there. Yeah. The egg we made earlier just drop it in there like that. Alright, no on top of our egg we're going to take the baking we just made, oh, God damn it, pick it up later. Take our bacon and we're going to make that cooked bacon into bits and we're just going to tear it up and put it on top of our egg. Oop. I mean is this cow's own nuts or is this cow's own nuts? It's pretty but you know, kind of tear it up a little bit and… Yeah. Oh we… yeah I don't wash my hands and show you the progress. YouTube. This Calzone is freaking nuts. But take a look at this pile of goodness, got the baking and the eggs on top, ready to drop. But take a look at this pile of goodness, got the baking and the eggs on top, ready to drop. All right, so before we add, you know, just add one more thing, we want to take our beef paddy or add some beef to our calzone. So you want to cook like a boss? I want to show you how it's done. to make at home. See, I'm not Chef Gordon Ramsey, so I don't need to be a five-star chef to make dankness. Chicks, dig a guy who can cook, believe that, YouTube. Believe that. I don't eat this last piece right here. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. Dude, Payne County rust, all meat seasoning. That adds some bomb-ass flavor to your meat, dude. You don't even know Oh savory okay so this looks like a mess of good goodness I'm going to add some more cheese to the top of it. And I may end up having to use another pizza crust to top over it. Because I don't think I'm going to be able to roll this. I put too much stuff in it. Sure thing I'm going to have to cook it longer, but that's right. So I'll just do 18 times more cheese in there because I can. And if you like these crazy Calzones, subscribe for more. It's going up because of you cool cobras. I got plenty of cheese I can use for hamburgers, so at the moment I'm not worried about it. Let's hop it off with four more slices of that cheddar make your life better. And maybe do a light sprinkle of mozzarella in spots with that pepperoni sitting just because yeah. Yeah, this is definitely a breakfast calzone if I ever saw one. So now I want to take a bit more of that mozzarella. I want to sprinkle it all over here and kind of tuck it in just a little bit. Let me make sure you're going to have cheese on this motherf- Yeah, you know what I'm saying, YouTube? Yeah, of know what I'm saying? You too? Yeah, of that cheddar. Just a little sprinkle. It's like this in the store before. I mean do you want a pizza pocket like this where it's bigger and it fills you up quicker? It takes longer to make. But you know the payoff is so totally worth it. gracious yeah this cow zone is massive bro this is the kind of cow zone you're like hey you want you want a hot pocket I'll show you a fucking hot pockets Oh man, we gotta get a screen of this before I had the other crust on top. Look at that, YouTube, just look at this glorious, glorious. I'll be eating good tomorrow for sure There's no way I'm gonna finish this whole thing in one sitting Look at that YouTube that is just beautiful Okay, now I take our classic crusts. We're going to go through the pain in the ass process of opening it one more time. Typical. Anyways, go ahead and unroll that. And I'll have to do the map on my phone. Sue me, I have been in high school since 2010. Okay, get rid of that. I'll find that roll lines with the unroll of the second time. There we go. So now we're going to stretch the pizza dough over the top. This can be a really tricky process, but we're going to stretch the dough over the top. And we're just going to form this motherf- or into a giant hot pocket. and this part can be a little bit tricky just because it's and this part can be a little bit tricky just because it's gonna want to come enrolled but it will be a little bit tricky just because it's gonna want to come unrolled but it will bake into itself eventually and it doesn't have to be picture perfect you know just make sure there's no not too many holes and you know you want to really make it a little faster again you know you want to really make it yeah it'll be a little faster again there you know just tuck all the ingredients together kind of forming into this big doe ball of goodness. Now again, you don't want to stretch your bottom dough too much. When you unroll it, just unroll it, flatten it out, unroll it, you know, let it do its thing naturally. You want to press the ladies with your cooking? There you go. It's not about getting laid. It's all about making a good impression. Remember that YouTube. So now I'm going to sit here and it's going to sit here and it's gonna take a while to kind of form it by hand but and this is a bigger pain in the ass than just pulling one out of the freezer and microwaving and I know but hear me out for a second YouTube this thing is just massively stupid big it's got all these delicious ingredients just packed in there. And, yeah, you want to make sure your dough is pinched together. Make sure your dough is pinched together nice like that. Beautiful. I'm going to stretch it out a little bit. Now forming is going to take longer than baking it, I assure you that. Do 420 and 18. I am horrible at math. This is a computer. This is really sad. Shows you all about it at fucking school. Ugh. Okay. I am horrible at math. This is pretty sad. That's a killer. 36 minutes. It's not too bad. Okay. You're going to want to cook it for a little bit longer than just 18 otherwise. It's going to be really doughy. So, hmm. Anywhere from like 36 minutes to 40 minutes should be fine. I want to put it in there for 36 minutes at 420 degrees. That should be enough to cross a nice golden brown and again I have no idea how this is going to turn out I'll just winging it you know that's how I do most of my cooking videos I just make it and see how it's going to turn out and it's reckless but I haven't been… I've packed all that delicious hot pocket goodness, calzone, whatever you want to call it, into the dough. and it's reckless, but I haven't done too bad with some of the recipes I've made. I'm like, let's share this on YouTube, because this right here is glorious. Now I've packed all that delicious hot pocket goodness, Calzellin, whatever you want to call it into the dough and if you pack them too high you have to do this otherwise you're not going to have a calzone okay so pack it together, pinch it, and this is a delicate process but once you get it which we want it that's looking pretty good. I'm going to kind of flatten it around. All righty then. That looks pretty good. I'm going to kind of flatten it around a little bit. Just kind of go around the surface and flatten it around on the outside and pinch it. Can I give it a base there? Okay. This side's kind of coming undone a little bit so I want to pitch it down in there like that. There we go. All right, that looks pretty good. Let me try to get this side. this is a very time-consuming process but totally worth it. Okay, so now we're going to add some seasoning to it. Still the same seasoning we did on the outside of it. Kick some of our grease from our pan. Drizzle the rest of the grease. Ooh, that buttery goodness. On to the top of the pan. From the top of the pan to, uh… Go ahead and pour some of that buttery love. On top of our Calzone. On the top dough right there, all that flavor is just going to bake in there. Take a look at this ridiculously unhealthy calzone that I've made for your sick entertainment and for my delicious consumption. Oh my gosh! All that buttery goodness, and the greasy goodness from the bottom of our pan has been poured on top. This thing is ready for the oven. Oh yes. There we go. Get some of that butter wiped off the side. It's going to get greasy either way you shape it. There we go. Kind of get some of that excess wiped off the side. There we go. Now the oven is almost on pre-heating. Once the oven is pre-heated, we're going to throw this in there for, like, let's say, 38 minutes, just to be on the safe side. About 36, yeah, we'll just do 36, and then wait patiently. That's all we can do. Oh boy. This is one of the cooking hours becoming hour long because now I'm waiting for the oven to preheat. I could just throw it in there right now, but I'm like, no, it's wait. Ocaoone is ready to be baked. We got the buttery goodness on top. Now we just gotta wait patiently. Let's see. I'm sure this will be a good, let's see. I'm sure this will be delicious as one is done, but… Shooee! Just go away patiently. But eventually that preheatle turn off and then… Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Let's go ahead and put it in the oven. Yeah, no 36 would be fine. Alright. Yoo, YouTube. We got a Calzone in the oven. It's already at the one hour and four minute mark. Good gravy. I don't edit. People are going to be like, is there really any point to all this? Making an hour-long video just to cook something? Like, yeah, well, if you got the time to… If you got like a good two hours before you do anything, for your morning, or less, this would be a great way to start your day. Guarantee that. I didn't bother with hot sauces or anything, just a little something, something, you know. And that greasy, buttery goodness is going to cook into the calzone. I'll be watching it periodically periodically because that's what you're supposed to do when you're cooking. Yep. Mm-hmm. a section of it. I want to put it on a plate and be like a YouTube. Come here for a second. I got the smell of eggs, bacon, and beef just waffling through my apartment, it's rather intoxicatingly, deliciously smelling so good, like… Oh! People are gonna be like, okay, so how the fuck do you make a Calzone? Well, I'm hoping that, uh, that'll give it that golden brown crispy goodness it won't be burnt too bad i normally put my pieces in for like 18 minutes at 420 degrees that's for one crust so because there's two crusts yeah That's how I gotta be periodically checking on it so it doesn't get too burnt on the bottom. I don't think it'll get burnt on the bottom. All I can do is like, okay, I assembled it, see what happens. It's like, It doesn't get burnt. If anything, it just gets a lightly toasted, cooked, lightly cooked, just cooked barely enough to give it some flakiness, you know. So it should be fine. this video. This is the kind of breakfast that's meant to get your day started like, fuck yeah, let's do this. Got shit to do, places to be. You might have to get up early to make it, but yeah, that's alright. Half of that calzone's enough just to feel you through the day. I'm just saying, like you eat half of that now and have like the half for lunch, dude, you're gonna be set for the day, like, it's stacked with calories, packed with protein. Okay, I got distracted for a second just um… Yeah. Now I still have the other earring that I bought that matched this fake gauge. I keep it on my. I de-escalate as quickly as I escalate and I've just been trying to say to myself you know what. Sometimes it's not worth getting peed over, you know. You know, I always feel self-conscious about it too, YouTube. I'm just like, oh if I want a girlfriend, I gotta work on my temper, it's just how it is. You know, whenever I see people lose their shit, it always makes me feel uncomfortable, so I'm like, well, how do you think other people feel when they gotta listen to it or watch it or deal with it? You know, it's… The truth. Sometimes it's just like, you know what, take a second to breathe, smoke some pipe tobacco and calm the fuck down, you know, as simple as that. But getting angry is a natural human reaction and just because getting angry is a natural human reaction and just because getting angry is a natural human reaction that doesn't excuse having a temper, you know, autism or not, you know. There are some autistic who can't control their temper, they're just, it is what it is. But I'm one of the lucky few that if I work with myself, I can make it much, much, much better. Compared to last year, my temper is a thousand times better to be honest you know how it goes in life you know it's kind of contradicts what I just said in my last video I know but you stub your toe you're like fuck that hurt okay whatever you brush it off but then life just doesn't quit you know you it just piles up on top of you so at first it then life just doesn't quit you know you it just piles up on top of you so first it's stubbing your toe then you spill your drink then you fucking then okay now you're stuck in a traffic light for fucking 10 minutes and a life is the biggest fucking bully there is and you can't let it get to you otherwise you're gonna be a miserable son of a bitch I mean, with the cooking videos lately, especially like the grilled cheese burger that I made, you know, people want unique over-the-top crazy recipes. So I'm like, okay, here you go, here's how you make a big-ass, in Calzone, you cut that bitch and half, and I guarantee you, boom. That's a Calzone for you and someone else. Or maybe you for later, you know. Like this thing's massive. My hand is smaller than that thing, dude. Yeah. And here's the thing of it, you too. if you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend who tries, appreciate them. Even if they can't afford the nicest things, you know, money is not important. You know, what's more important is that they're trying. Despite their circumstances, you know, I do pretty good with the wand business and tomorrow I need to get more sticks or later on the day, just, you know, get a bag full and bring them all home. Now if the calzone ingredients are not overstuffed usually you can get away with just folding it in half and using one crust. But because I added all that cheese all the egg, the beef, the bacon, the pepperoni, the gerrinos, it's gonna be stacked. So you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Now it's just gonna take a minute for it to cook up. So like what you do this weekend? Well I made a big ass cow zone for YouTube. And I'm just saying like dude. Yeah. People have been seeing the pizzas and they're like, when's this guy going to do more cooking videos? I mean, I had stuff to munch on, but nothing really worth showing off for a cooking video. This right here just screams Gothic King Cobra cooking video. Of course, now the oven's preheated, and I already got the Calzone in there. I should go check on it. I'll be right back. 24 minutes to go. that's not looking too shabby. It's starting to cook up real nice. Now if it's too doughy I might put it in there for like a couple more minutes. Kind of poke out it and be like, now that it's cooking that bread's gonna fuse and that dough bread whatever you want to call it pizza dough is gonna fuse together when it cooks. okay that's going to seal off your edges of your calzone so when you cut it in half all you have is what's in the middle and and and that's the secret to cooking a calzone you want to have that dough fold all over to the other side so you got this little pocket of deliciousness in the middle. And now it's just sitting here waiting patiently like doo-doo-loo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-d-o-o-o-o-fo-f-o-o-f-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o Good things take time. No sense in rushing it, right? Now, here's the thing if I'm lucky enough to get a girlfriend, you know. I'll be grateful if she goes on a date with me, you know. I'm not expecting it to go any further than that, because, you know, you're testing the waters, you know. I don't care how long my dry spell is, you too, but I really don't. That's more important. It's getting to know the woman before. You know, let her make that decision, dude. Because you're not the one giving it. You're the one taking it. That's how I see it. I mean I wasn't really that hungry earlier but after making this Calzone and smelling it waffle through my apartment now I'm kind of hungry. Oh boy. If you're making this calzone and smelling it waffle through my apartment Now I'm kind of hungry. Oh boy. If you're on a diet, don't watch. This is literally going to be called Breakfast Calzone, short sweet to the point. What else would you call it? A breakfast hot pocket? Because that thing's massive. That's too big to be a hot pocket. That'd be a Calzone right there. I'm mainly, eh, you guys, you guys. I mean you never know, I checked ancestry.com and some of my family migrated from New York all the way across the country. They came in from a different country, migrated to New York and then came, you know, so you never know. You know. Like I got people coming in from different sides of Europe and then migrating and then eventually my family made its way to New York and then from New York it just kind of spread everywhere. So you never know sponsor but you get their kit set up an online account all that jazz Gothic King Cobra is going to teach you how to eat like a king, huh? Or a queen, whichever. I'm just saying like, dude, this… I haven't made eggs in a while, they didn't turn out too bad. This, uh, Calzone is packed with calories and protein. I gotta take a look at it. See how we're doing. 19 minutes to go. Yep. Beautiful. We got 19 minutes to go and the top of it is starting to golden up very nicely…. We've got 19 minutes to go. And the top of it is starting to golden up very nicely. So it looks like 36 minutes for a cow zone using two doughs instead of just one. Is the way to go. I'm going to check it on it periodically so I don't burn it or any of that, you know. Oh, dude, it looks so good. when it cools down a bit. And, um, I want to use my pizza cutter to cut it if I can. If not, I'll just use a big old kitchen knife. And I'll try to hold the camera with one hand while I cut it. If it doesn't work, then I may end up having to put the camera down. I'll get you in close to the action with my cell phone as I can. That's how these cooking videos work. They're a lot better when they're up close and personal with the cell phone. Yeah, buddy. 2% yes Just kidding. It was horrible. Bad joke. Now maybe you have a different way of doing a calzone. You make the dough by hand. You fold it. Okay, that's cool. This is how… This is a quicker way of making one, I guess. You know. This is not meant to insult anyone who this is no disrespect to the pizza culture. You don't even know. You already know you too. If I go to if I go to New York City someday you already know I'm hitting up the pizza joints trying them all and me like…… now I'm literally looking at these pizza videos on YouTube. I don't care what you say dude, no fast food chain can compete with that. I'm literally looking at these pizza videos on YouTube of pizza restaurants that have been around since 1905 and I'm just like, ohhh, ohh. I don't care what you say dude, no fast food chain can compete with that. Like you got a family that's been in that area since 1905 making pies. No fast food chain can compete with that. You know, so it's like you get your cousin coming over from New York like, hey, where are there any good pizza joints around here? What's up with that, huh? So you take them to pizza,utter like your local pizza joint that's family owned and they look at you like and you call this pizza like okay you don't have to fucking brag about it we know your pizza tastes better okay sorry that my local pizza joint hasn't been around since 19-fucking-0-5 but you wanted a piece of pie here you go. It's not as good as home but there you go. I know how that is. I mean come on and I got it. And really, how do you think things like pizza were discovered? If you really think about it. The first pizza, all they had was the ingredients to make the dough and the cheese and all that. And they're like, and they just, they threw it together. They're like, I don't know how the fuck this is going to turn out But let's just do this this this this and this and this and this and this this boom like the first pizza was born They served it to the Queen of Italy and she was like yo this shit's bomb make me another one Boom, that's how the pizza was born, baby. Oh! And that's the cool thing about food, you know, accidental discoveries like how the first ice cream cone came about. We had a waffle maker and then we had an ice cream vendor. You had to sit there and eat the ice cream in the dish and then give it to the ice cream maker so he could he or she could wash it. And then you had the waffle maker across the street telling people these fresh hot folded waffles. One day they got together and they're like okay let's put your ice cream coat, your waffle with my ice cream, let's just make it a thing man. And they're like, wait a minute. They don't have to wait around to finish the dish and hand it to me. This gives in the portable way to eat ice cream on the go. Like most people don't really think too hard about that kind of thing because it's like it's just an ice cream cone, but back in the day, 1800, 1900s, you know, if you went to an ice cream store you had to eat the ice cream and then leave the dish behind so it could be washed. And then you had the waffle makers like I said and then when they put the two together all of a sudden people didn't have to wait around with their dish it could just buy a cone and go you know it's pretty much how the first cheeseburger was in fancy they were making toast and they're making beef pantiesannies with cheese, they're eating them separate, and then one day this guy comes in he's like on his lunch break like hey can you make me something on the go? I don't got time for him to sit down and eat. So they threw it together on a bun and they're like here you go. They took some big old Texas toast and then a beef paddy with some cheese and they're like here you you go, they made a patty melt basically and they're like, the dude loved it so much he came in to eat one for the rest of his life. That's how the first A lot of great ideas get discovered when you cook is just throwing it together and seeing how it turns out. You know, you look at the history of pizza, you look at the history of the cheeseburger, you look at the history of the first ice cream cone, you know what I'm saying? Three delicious foods that we all love and eat today, unless of course you're lactose and tolerant, then you can't have ice cream. And I'm like, aw dude. I mean, you can't have it, but like, you, precautions. Check on that Calzone. 12 minutes. Oh, my God. 12 minutes left perfect YouTube if I could show you what it looks like. Oh wait I can ha ha We got 11 minutes to go. Hey YouTube you want to take a sneak peek at the Calzone before we pull it out of the oven? I know you want to. Look at it, YouTube. Just fucking look at it. Isn't that just beautiful? Oh yeah. Pardon my French, but ooh, wheat. Oh my gurg, just a smell, man. Oh, yes. You know, kicking off the weekend with a brand new cooking video for your sick entertainment. I mean, you have the combination of smells from the beef, the bacon, and the eggs and all that good shit. But, um, then you have that calzone on top of it. Oh. The buttery love just cooking into that bread. So when people tell you, oh that food looks like shit, why would you put that together? What the f-s wrong with you? You look at them and you say, yeah, you know, that's how the first pizza was made. People just threw stuff together and voila, there you go. That's how the first ice cream cone was made. It's how the first patty melt was made. Like you want to judge somebody for wanting to explore their creative side and come up with a new dish. Shame on you. That's the joy of cooking is being like, okay, you know, what goes good together, you know, this and that, we put this and this together, what's it gonna do, you know? That's the joy of cooking. You throw it together and see how it turns out, you know? It might taste like crap, it might taste super good, but that's the fun of it. That's how we learn as cooks. And no fancy ass fucking chef school is going to teach you that passion, that drive the commitment to get better at it, and to be like to perfect what is essentially an art known as culinary arts. Now the food I make it's not simple, they're not over the top. As far as complicated, they're just over the top as far as complicated. They're just over the top as in calories and how good they taste. I've had Trolls Talk shit on my burgers and I'm like, that's funny because people who try and were like, dude, this is bomb a shit. Like exactly. I try to toot my own, but I make a damn good burger and I'll make a damn good pizza. I gotta think all the cheese in that calzone that we put in it is just melting. An assessed pool of gooey goodness. Right in the with making it. Is this really necessary to make an hour long? Yes it is, because this is cooking in real life. You fuck with the packaging, it doesn't want to open, you mess around with the ingredients because they're not properly cooked just yet. This is cooking in real life. You see these YouTubeers who cut and edit for a nice little 15-minute video, which is nice, but this is a bit more realistic 6 minutes to go, beautiful. Periodically checking on it, just so the crust isn't completely burnt and with just 6 minutes to go, it is looking golden brown perfect. Now when you take it out of the oven, you let it cool off for a bit, you know. I don't want the size to be burnt, I don't want the top to be burnt. No. No. Because I took it out of the oven too long or put it in the oven for too too short of a time So put it back in you know, you know Now this right here you too is how you make a gal's own. Okay You see this. Oh my god dude. I'm excited to see this coming out of the oven. I'm excited to try it Sink my teeth into some Decidence delectably greasy. I'm going to have to let that cool off a bit before I munch into it, yo. Cut it in half put it on a plate try it up now while we're waiting for that Calzone to get cooked up four minutes baby candidates while I waiting for that cows on to cook up, While waiting for that cow's on to cook up, we'll still a little bit of snacking. We got a piece of that bomb-ass banana bread that I made for YouTube. Mm-hmm. Oh. This peanut butter chocolate banana bread is so good and so easy to make. require a cooking video because it's basically just mix and pour but this cow's own has some detail to it you know so this here is poor man's banana bread and it works Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm. That's what's up. I had to do a… I had to do a little bit of snacking. I had to do a little bit of snacking on account of the smell of that cow. Someone's making me hungry, yo. Two minutes to go. Oh yeah. Beautiful. with just two minutes to go. That cow zone is going to be cooked perfectly. That's why I periodically check on it to make sure I'm not burning the fuck out of it. It smells like bread being baked, but… Get down, get down, satisfy your appetite. Well, there was during the day, there were midnight snack at night, we're gonna take a trip to Flave Town. Get down, Flave a Town. I'm going to take that phone in with me here. What are we got? Ten seconds. We are cooking tonight folks. We are cooking tonight folks. We are cooking tonight folks. I want to wait to cut into that. We're going to have to cut into that. We're going to have to let it cool off. I see and do have cut to the cheese. I seem to have cut to the cheese quite nicely. Juicy thought. Excuse me. I seem to have cut to the cheese quite nicely. mostly juicy font excuse me but this is where it's at you too that's looking my delicious Hot tamales. We're going to scooch it's right there to the middle of our… Oh yeah, there we go. We just scoochy right there just like that. Beautiful. I scooched it to the middle of the pizza pan, stone, whatever, now that's a beautiful calzone right there. Oh look at that YouTube. Fresh out of the oven. Yeah, this is how Gothic King Cobra makes a calzone…. fresh out of the oven yeah this is how gothic king kola makes a calzone that's what's out that looks beautiful Use my trusty kitchen knife for this. You too, if we cut this in half, we'll have to go… Certainly. Oh, wait. So I'll turn it this way, so it's more even. All right, beautiful. Now we're facing the right direction here. It's not really that important, but for OCD reasons, I guess. So… I'll cut it just a little bit, kind of get it started. As soon as I cut into it, that's sizzle action. Hold on, I got to keep on a close-up, look at that chle action. Oh God, I got to take you on a close-up look. All that cheese is oozing out of it, Grease. So look, you're getting the first cut of this calzone on camera like I promised. I want to cut it in half. Oh, I've got the farks tonight. Oh, it smells like Aspergers. Excuse me. I'll try not to fart while I'm doing this because it's kind of probably physically unappealing to some people but we all fart so get over it. There we go. Get this bastard cut in half. Just like that. Just like that. Oh, okay, so now we got our Calzone cut in half and this cross section just looks beautiful. Awesome. Awesome Sauce. Look at that cross section, YouTube. I want you to look at it. I want you to look at it. off, we'll put it on a plate, we'll try some, but you can see that this is how you make a calzone. You got half, your dough halves packed with flavor, greasy, cheesy, goodness, all the eggs, everything, all right. All righty, YouTube. So we got it all cut up, ready to go. This video is long enough. You might have to see me try it on another video. Cliffhanger. Anyways, YouTube. Thank you for watching me make a bomb-ass Calzone. And if you want to see me try the Breakfast Calzone, check out Part II. Thanks for watching me make a Breakfast Calzone, check out part two. Thanks for watching me make a Breakfast Calzone. I'll catch you Cool Cobras on the next cooking video.