The Ellen Saga

The Ellen Saga is a notable chapter in Josh's life that unfolded primarily through late 2019 and into early 2020. This segment of his life reveals complexities surrounding his relationships, personal aspirations, and social interactions, specifically with a person named Ellen, whom Josh refers to as an “of-age, alternative woman”.

• KingCobraJFS: Never one to miss an opportunity, Josh would quickly work to make a connection with Ellen in order to prove to the Troles that he still had it. At this stage his male pattern baldness is only getting worse with his hairline going bald from both the back AND front, and his head is now starting to take its more iconic butternut squash shape.
• Darfliny: Darf would play a key role in several major incidents during this saga, whether Josh liked it or not.
• Ellen: The real star of the story, Ellen is an of-age, cisgendered goth girl who isn't related to him and is alive.

• Walt and Angie: Walter and Angie Knight are the parents of Ellen, and are best remembered as opportunistic leeches off of Josh's paypigs.
• Scrapper Steve: Much to the misfortune of all involved, Scrapper Steve would show up again during this saga to show off his pup-play fetish.
• Banjo Bill: Banjo Bill would be a minor buddy-troll during this saga, as he would show up in spirit to give Josh a high-quality banjo, and steal Josh's smoking pole.

Ellen

Ellen, a goth woman with black hair and green eyes, was the daughter of Josh's friend Angie. Josh’s relationship with Ellen became a subject of interest among his viewers, starting around early 2019 when Josh began filming videos at Walt and Angie's house. There were speculations regarding Josh's intentions, suggesting he might be attempting to forge a closer relationship with Ellen due to her fitting his aesthetic preference in partners.

Josh would actually hang out with Ellen as early as September of 2018 during The Wandmaker Saga, where he would accidentally have an erection after being hugged by Ellen. It's worth mentioning that even back then, Ellen already had a boyfriend, although Josh claims that Ellen had some level of physical attraction to him.

This saga can be best recognized by his first on-camera mention of Ellen on August 7th, 2019 - In a video talking about his wands, Josh would say he was in a good mood after he realized the girl he was crushing on totally likes him back. Yes, she's alive, drop-dead gorgeous, and definitely would go for a reverse-cross-eyed hermit with a head shaped like a gourd.

To see the associated Incidents page, click here.

During a FaceBook livestream in August, Josh would be interrupted by none other than the Casper Police Department after a troll called in saying that Josh was preparing to murder people. Thankfully, Josh fully complied with the police, clearly recognizing the severity of the situation, and although his beach cruiser would be harassed by the entry team, the SWATting would end relatively safely for all parties.

This would gain large-scale media coverage(By Wyoming standards), and would ultimately attract more newcomers to Josh's channel while humanizing the BOY. While obviously rattled, it wouldn't even be 24 hours before Josh had returned to streaming, alleging that the cops were longtime viewers and would be searching for the culprit. Josh would continue to milk this incident for years to come, as overall it had been a net positive for his channel.

An unintended consequence of this rise in notoriety was the sudden influx of support from the Cobraverse faithful. Because Josh would frequently receive donations via YouTube, PayPal, and in the form of care packages, Josh's creative output would steadily decline. Gone were the days of his 40-wand blowouts and nonstop albums, and in with the YouTube streams and of course, lots of videos. When he wasn't getting faded on foul oriental beer and throwing up on his carpet, he would be shouting out his homeboy "Joseph Gobbles". Josh would somehow manage to blow several hundred dollars on typical Boglim Enrichment Items.

After accidentally putting himself in the negative spending money on pizza and booze, Josh would partake in early-age twitch thot behavior by working out shirtless after receiving numerous donations to pay for his Internet bill. This would lead to the infamous KingCobraJFS quote “You've officially entered the wet panty zone!”, as he continued to do nothing but bicep curls and attempt to flex random muscles to his own music.

Much of this profit was given to Ellen after she implied her dog required a costly surgery - In fact, a few minutes later Josh would admit he had not even paid his Internet bill at all, and that he actually gave the money he had from the aforementioned stream directly to Ellen to aid in surgery costs. This kind of selfless action immediately rang alarm bells among Cobraverse fans, as it wasn't common for Josh to be this selfless.

Josh would use this financial generosity as a means to curry favor with Ellen's parents Walt and Angie. Still heavily on the YouTube AdSense grind, he would film multiple videos a week at Walt and Angie's place throughout the week for no apparent reason. In fact, Josh would even babysit Angie's micropig, being her very first appearance in Josh's content.

Despite simping this hard for a girl whose entire family is clearly using him for his cash, Josh decided that lusting after one hot of-age goth chick wasn't enough, and also spent time planning how to ask out his other crush Felicia, the girl who sold him his pot-leaf ear gauges.

The real issue was not Josh's inability to make more painted sticks, it was his alcoholism. Around September of 2019, Josh's inability to understand concepts such as “time” or “money” would be made manifest with his rampant alcohol abuse. This new avenue of money would allow him to spend ungodly amounts of his earnings on booze, and he would become steadily more and more of a lush as time progressed. It is at this stage that Josh would begin his metamorphosis into his more recognizable Boglim physiognomy, mostly through the combination of letting all his hair grow out alongside the degradation of his fine motor skills.

Josh would continue to crush on Ellen for several weeks, even after discovering that she was now seeing someone. This would not stop the Boy from crushing, even after Ellen's current boyfriend started poking fun at Josh's unreciprocated love. During this time, Josh would also begin doing his infamous “Pout Streams”, a subset of his streamed content where he would essentially beg for money, and spend extended periods of time staring at his webcam with his arms folded, pouting. It's during this time that Josh would also tease “modelling (his) green undies” live on stream. This would lead to one of Josh's many, many temporary YouTube bans, as he would accidentally flash the camera.

On September 25th 2019, Josh would hit 10,000 subscribers on his KingCobraJFS YouTube channel. In celebration, Cobes would strip down to his infamous cock holster and work out, and also do vocal covers of several copyrighted songs. For obvious reasons, YouTube moderation did not take kindly to this celebration, and the stream was taken down. Worst of all, the stream was taken down before it could be saved, stealing one of the most prolific moments of the Cobraverse from Josh's loyal fans. The stream is considered lost media.

For the associated Incidents page, click here.

In late September, Josh's short, stocky blacksmith pal Darfliny would start collaborating more with Josh in videos and streams, leading to numerous infamous quotes and moments, such as Darf trying to get a waitress' number for the Boy's sake. In fact, it would encourage Darf to start streaming, too: A series of episodic livestreams known as “Live with darfliny”, where he would stream and document various goings-on in his day-to-day life. The most notorious of these is Episode 3 livecast in November, where Darf and Josh hang out. However, lacking in moderation and not preemptively sharing Josh's chat ban list, Josh and Darf are endlessly harangued by trolls, causing Josh to have an autistic meltdown, causing him to angrily consume chips and yell at Darfliny's chat. Darf would delete the stream, presumably at Josh's request.

Halloween is always a great time for Gothic Rockstar Bad BOYS like Josh, so why not celebrate in style? On Halloween, Josh would drop his ninth album, Hell's Advocate. Hell's Advocate is particularly important in Josh's musical career, as this would be his first published album via Deathbed Tapes. During the Celebration of Life Stream, Clint would note that this was one of Josh's proudest achievements.

November heralded the return of the least favorite Homeboy of the extended Cobraverse: Scrapper Steve. Showing up in one of Josh's “Chillin” videos sitting on Josh's moldy carpet, wearing a puppy mask, and generally pretending to be a dog for his own personal gratification, Josh would express a subtle level of discomfort, opting to not even look in the sicko's general direction for the entirety of the video.

Above: Josh questioning why he's still friends with Steve

Later that same month, Josh would go on a small tangent attempting to troll telemarketers. While the content was peak Cobra content, Josh made the mistake of fumbling almost immediately. It took the telemarketers exactly two calls to figure out that Josh was trolling them, but that didn't stop him from harassing them anyways.

However in a deliciously ironic twist, trolls would create a fake news story to prank Josh with: Cobes was made to believe that a fan of his listened to Josh's albums and caused a mass shooting. This prank was a major blow to Josh's psyche, as he genuinely believed that one of his fans had committed a mass shooting. In fact, this would be such a major blow to his mental health that for years to come, Josh would repeatedly condemn mass shootings, even making a track in his final album “Life Ain't Fair” condemning mass shootings. This is the first recorded instance of Josh uttering the phrase “Hashtag fuck mass shootings!”, which would remain stuck in his brain for years to come.

In late 2019, Josh purchased a Christmas dinner for Ellen's family, funded by his earnings from YouTube AdSense, expressing his satisfaction in being able to support friends during the festive season. This gesture reportedly cost over a thousand dollars. Despite this act, Ellen clarified to Josh that she was involved romantically with another person but valued maintaining a friendship with him. Josh presented an appearance of being content with this platonic arrangement and emphasized the importance of friendship over romantic advances, but it became obvious that this was a coping mechanism for Josh.

Homegirl Angie, Ellen's mom

The dynamic between Josh and Ellen became particularly contentious when details of their interactions began circulating on social media platforms, chiefly through live streams. Josh faced accusations from his viewer base regarding his feelings towards Ellen, which he denied, asserting that any romantic suggestions were non-existent and strictly platonic intentions governed his actions.

A notable incident involved a contest Josh hosted, where participants could win a signed copy of his album and a wand created by him. The central motivation for this competition was to raise funds for a charity that Ellen supported – the Old Friends Senior Dog Sanctuary. This event was met with mixed reactions, where some suggested that Josh's involvement was an attempt to win favor with Ellen, while others viewed it as an act of genuine philanthropy.

In early January 2020, discussions around Ellen were partially eclipsed by Josh's efforts to obtain tickets for a Black Veil Brides concert, which was among Ellen's favorite bands. Josh planned to gift these tickets to Ellen for her birthday, discussing his intentions to provide a memorable experience for her. Now, Josh was broke and needed to buy himself a new phone, but that didn't matter. Despite his eagerness to attend the concert with her, Ellen’s relationship status with another individual led to ambiguities about who would accompany her, which Josh accepted without public objection.

In mid-to-late January, Josh would divulge that he had ended his two year dry spell with an unknown lady on New Year's Eve. This was immediately scrutinized by his fanbase, and Josh's limited recollection of events due to alcohol made it difficult to discern if it was true. Josh claimed it was one of his homeboy's kids, had a huge rack, and was of-age. This lie would be perpetuated for about a month before the Boy eventually caved and admitted it was made up, at the request of the partygoers who were questioned about the whole ordeal by Troles. In fact, it turned out Josh had gotten absolutely demolished on New Year's Eve on booze and acid, and imagined the whole scenario.

Josh and Ellen's working relationship seemingly concluded with the successful fundraising for the Old Friends Senior Dog Sanctuary, with over $200 collected, fulfilling the target set alongside the contest stipulations. Regardless of Josh's ulterior motives or the intervention of his trolls, the involvement and responses from Josh's viewers played a pivotal role in achieving this goal.

Josh would thank viewers for helping him help Ellen “from the bottom of his gothic heart” by lifting weights and playing guitar in his lime green cock holster while erect. Trolls would capitalize on this by sending this footage to Ellen, which Cobes would respond to by talking about said incident in a hushed tone. Josh claims that Ellen thought it was “A sweet gesture”.

To add insult to injury, Josh made a bit of an oopsie when he sent the wand to the winner of the donation contest: Instead of sending the wand to the winner, he sent it to the PayPal merchant. Josh would spend a lot of time moping in his brown grandma chair with his arms folded over the whole ordeal. Thankfully, Josh would send a replacement wand to the winner some weeks later.

Josh's heart was clearly broken: He had tried his little boglim best every single day and was no closer to dating Ellen. Sensing weakness, Josh's YouTube trolls would routinely harass him in on stream to the point that he banned the name “Ellen” in its entirety from his chat. Trolls would circumvent this by typing the letters “L N”, the phonetic equivalent of Ellen.

Even worse, Josh's trolls would strike once more by stealing his beloved Smoking Pole from the apartment complex. The culprit turned out to be the mysterious homeboy Banjo Bill and one of his friends, who would return the pole after the KingCobraJFS subreddit mods threatened to report him to local authorities.

In March of 2020, the YouTube Channel Mountain Wizards would travel to Casper to do a documentary on Josh. In this documentary, Josh would spend most of his documentary talking about himself, hocking his bizarre beliefs, and spending exorbitant amounts of money - Josh would be seen on camera spending money on Buffalo Wild Wings, getting his Cradle of Filth Tattoo done, and stomp around Casper while showing off his Goth AF boglim lifestyle. Josh would hint at this “secret project” during a video where he ate at Buffalo Wild Wings in March, before the documentary dropped in April. Apart from showing off Josh's inability to handle finances responsibly, it would include an interview with Josh's close friend Darfliny, who hilariously was wearing a shirt mocking Josh: On said T-shirt was a photo of Damion, the man who Stephanie left Josh for many years ago.

The Ellen Saga is what many consider the last of “Classic Cobes”: The old apartment, the high quality wands, his ever-important need to go out and befriend random homeless people, and his active search for an alive, of-age goth girl with green eyes and dark hair. Although it would still be some time before his first eviction, it was during this descent into alcoholism and a pandemic-influenced isolation that would ensure Josh's new, true-to-life boglim form.

• “I was s'posed to have a dentist appointment[in November], but I had to reschedule it for January, 'cause… …I needed to go to the store to get more wand leather so I could finish my batch of wands…”
• “You wanna see Cobra get drunk and eat chips? WELL, YA FUCKIN' GOT IT! FUCK YOU, TROLL LOSERS!”
• “When I said the N word on my buddy's channel, I was going off the dictionary version. Which if you search up N▇▇▇▇▇ means ignorant person.”
• “My autism wouldn't stop me from being a good president.”

• In September, Josh would admit to having a stash of booze he kept for times when he wasn't on camera, which is clear alcoholic behavior.
• Josh would receive the black leather cowboy hat and his banjo in October of 2019. The banjo came from none other than homeboy Banjo Bill, hence the name.
• Josh would go to a dentist in August of 2019, and would even brush his teeth on camera once. He comments that the toothpaste stings.
• The Smoking Pole would be bought for the apartment during this time, as Josh wanted an easy way to access tobacco snipes to fuel his nicotine addiction.
• In September 2019, Josh would take credit for North Korea's failed nuclear missile test launch, using his “dark powers”.
• Josh would officially become a Tactical Soap affiliate during late September of 2019, making several videos swearing up and down that it gets you of-age, consenting, alive goth girl pussy. Although the affiliate link would break after some time, Josh would make innumerable videos shilling this snake oil almost up to his own demise.
• One of Josh's “fangirls” sent him a gift to clone his Cobra Jr. However because Josh is basically incapable of doing anything on time, he messed it up and was unable to provide a proper silicone clone of his alleged monster dong.
• Josh missed his family Thanksgiving because he overslept.
• In January 2020, trolls would discover that they could irritate Josh by cancelling his pizza orders. For obvious reasons, Josh would not take this well.
• January would also mark the appearance of Josh's Brown La-Z boy, an infamous precursor to The Dead Dog Chair.

'Friends with no Benefits' - The Ellen Saga by Bitesize Cobra Vids